


Save Me

by rocksteadyshefani



Category: Shefani, The Voice (US) RPF
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-06
Updated: 2017-07-28
Packaged: 2018-08-19 22:48:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 31,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8227382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rocksteadyshefani/pseuds/rocksteadyshefani
Summary: Gwen and Blake run to the same place to drown out their demons. Until they realize they can fight them together.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written in a while because of severe writers block and turmoil in my personal life, but this was an idea that came to me recently and I thought why not write it out. Let me know what you guys think. Also, thanks to Sabrina, because I probably wouldn't have posted it if it weren't for her :)

She's not prepared for the cold night air hitting her face as she forces herself out of her car. She's been hiding away in her house for weeks now, raising great concern from her family.

The only reason she's out here in the first place is because her brother practically begged her to get out of bed; the fact that she's going to the nearest bar to drown her sorrows out, is something he doesn't necisarily needs to know.

Picking yourself up after being betrayed on for so many years - by someone you'd take a bullet for- seems almost impossible; it definitely doesn't sound like something she's able to do. Or even _wants_ to do. If it were up to her she'd be perfectly content by just staying inside the safe haven she created underneath her sheets, away from people's expectations, away from any responsibilities and most importantly away from any social interactions.

She doesn't need the pittiful looks from outsiders, to which she's sure she sounds  
like the biggest cliché: " _the succesful Hollywood A-lister gets cheated on by her husband with the nanny_ " and let's not even begin to talk about all the "I'm so sorrys" and "You'll be okays" she's  
heard from every single person she's talked to since all this craziness went down. Her life is in shambles, her self-worth is basically non-existent and her heart is broken in so many pieces,  
she physically feels ill; the last thing she needs is everyone else pretending to get her, because the truth is _they don't_.

She knows she has to find a way to live with this pain because of her kids, she needs to crawl out of this hole she'd fallen into, but for tonight the kids were spending the night at her parent's place, which meant she could afford to live like the mess she felt she was. The first thing that ran through her mind as she entered the the rather empty bar was 'get the fuck out', but something willed her to stay. Maybe it was the desperation to not feel the pain she'd been feeling ever since she had found out about her husband. _Ex-husband_. She remebered this place from when she and the boys from the Voice went here to celebrate the first day of blind auditions for season 7. The Voice had always been a place for her to escape her own reality. Being with the other coaches; her peers, her friends, made her feel like she was part of something. For the first time in a long time she felt like she was doing what she was supposed to be doing and she was surrounded by people who loved and admired her; when she dreaded going home afterwards, she realized that was exactly what she was missing there.

Now, she's here again, but none of the coaches are here, no celebration and no husband to come home to in the first place. She didn't even realize she had moved until she found herself sitting down in the nearest bar stool. The place was definitely a lot more depressing than she remebered it to be the first time she came here, or maybe that's just her tainted view. She gets interupted from her thoughts by the bartender asking what he can get for her.

"Something strong."

He doesn't need her to say anything else, probably used to his fair share of desperate souls. "Rough night?" If he only knew. _Rough_ seemed not to do her feelings any justice, but the real answer would be too deep, so she didn't bother with a reply. He seemed to get it though. She stared at the transparent liquor he'd put in front of her seconds ago before sipping it lightly. The slow burn it provided in her throat was something she didn't dislike at all right now, which probably should've raised some concern within her. Instead she went for it again, almost downing most of the content. She had just ordered her second drink of the night when she felt a presence behind her. Before she even turned around, she heard an all too familiar voice as the presence now moved from behind her, to the barstool next to her.

"Never thought I'd find you here". His voice was gravelly, - _rough_ \- , there was that damn word again. But it was exactly what his voice sounded like. She took in his face, growing aware of the dark lines on his face and the very apparent missing spark in his eyes, that for some reason made her very uncomfortable.

"Well here I am" She tried not to sound too defensive, but she couldn't seem to help herself. She already felt like a big enough failure, without someone pointing out what she already knew; she wasn't supposed to be here.

"I'm glad you're here though" She looked up from her glass to meet his gaze and for a second she could've sworn she saw him tear up, but maybe she's just desperate for someone to be happy to see her. Need her in a fucked up way. She chuckled when she heard him order 'something strong' before he shifted his attention back to her.

"You look like hell".

"Geez, thanks Blake, I like you too".

There was a silence between them, but it wasn't awkward. They didn't need to speak for them both to realize they were here for the same reasons. Both needed to forget. Both needed to pick themselves up. Both decided tonight wasn't the night they were gonna do so.

She doesn't know how much time passed exactly, all she knows is that by the time he spoke up again, she was at her third drink.

"Why tonight?" His question caught her off guard as she nervously ran her fingers over the rim of her glass.

"What do you mean?". He smiled at her then, - It wasn't a mocking smile, more like a ' _I get it, you can be real with me' smile_ -, and something about him in this setting made her want to pour her heart out to him.

"The kids are staying with my parent's for the night. I cleaned out another room today, threw all of his remaining stuff out and thought 'Why not treat myself to some alcohol provided oblivion?"

  
Now it was his turn to chuckle at her words and something inside of her twisted at the sound of it; she craved to hear it again.

"Why are you here?"

He swallowed another sip of his drink, his fingers wrapped tight around the glass, like he ironicly was trying his hardest to keep the glass together or maybe break it. She wasn't sure.

"I don't really have a reason _not_ to be".

His words hurt. She knew he was just being honest, but hearing him talk like that, so hurt -defeated-, in some way took some of her own hope away. If someone as bright and colorful as him  
couldn't seem to muster up the strenght to go on after an almost identical situation, how in the hell was she supposed to?

"I'm sorry."

"Right back at ya".

They clinged their glasses as they both swallowed down the remaining liquid. She closed her eyes briefly, realizing she left her house thinking the last thing she wanted was company, but now dreaded the moment Blake and her would go seperate ways again. She didn't know what was happening. They never really talked before. Sure, they always got along, were friends even, but it was never that deep. But right in this moment, she felt like she was connected to him in a way she hadn't felt with anyone else before. Maybe that's because he's literally reflecting her own life back to her, or maybe it's because it took this kind of tragedy to make her realize how much she actually cared for him; she hated seeing him like this. She hated seeing him this hurt. She hated to think he was feeling as bad as she did.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked gently, not wanting to push.

"You."

"Me?".

"Yes."

She didn't look at him, but she could feel his eyes on her. "I just hate you have to go through this, you know". Her words were spoken carefully, but the intent and meaning was clear. When minutes passed without him answering her, she finally looked up and the look on his face broke her heart. He seemed so unsure of himself. So cautious. His guard was up and her walls were slowly crumbling down. Life was playing a cruel game with her.

"I almost called her up today". His voice was soft, like he didn't mean to say it out loud. But he did and she heard it.

"Almost?"

" _Almost_."

"Why didn't you?".

She looked up at him now, he looked like he was trying not to break and she got it. She really did. Every time she got close to disclosing a part of her story to anyone, she stopped herself because she knew if she did, she would break and wouldn't be able to stop. He seemed to be braver than her though.

"I wanted to. God, I wanted to", the emotion she heard in his voice was enough for her to tear up. "I just realized it wouldn't do any good. I probably would've told her I hated her or something. And I _don't_. I don't hate her and therefor I hate myself", he chuckled to himself, "How fucked up is that?".

"I think that's courageous".

His eyes flew to hers so quick, it was almost like he flinched. " _How_?"

"I think it takes courage to admit you don't hate her after what she did to you".

"I feel like I did it to myself. She gave me warning signs all the time, showing me she would never love me the way I wanted her to. I just ignored it".

That's something she could relate to. Gavin gaves her plenty of warning signs, but she chose to close her eyes to them. They were playing a dangerous game and now she finally lost.

"Still doesn't make it right".

"No. It doesn't. But it makes me stupid".

Now it was her time to flinch at his words. If he was stupid for ignoring her signs, than what was she? He must've sensed her tense up, because his Southern drawl once again shook her out of her thoughts.

"We're not the same. You had way more to lose".

She looked at him, pleading to go on. Because as much as she hated how he felt, she really needed him to speak the words that would make her feel better.

"You have kids. I don't. I gave her everything I had, even when I realized we were never gonna fix our problems. It's like I walked straight into this _heart attack_ ". Something about him referring to this ordeal as a heart attack made her smile. She knows how out of place that must look to him, so she speaks up.

"It's just nice to talk to someone who actually gets it". Cause he really does. She doesn't know what an actual heart attack feels like, but the physical pain she's been feeling ever since her marriage failed, must be a resemblance. 

"Y'know, I ain't trynna sound like I can't live without her, but everytime I go to sleep I see her face and then I wake up at the same place she used to sleep in and..." he takes a deep breathe before continuing and something tells her she needs to do the same, "And I just feel like even a nightmare would be a better place to be at". She couldn't help it then, - a single tear fell down her face- , because damn'it, he really was putting all her feelings into words as he spoke his own to her. As soon as he noticed her tears, he started apologizing. "Sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. You came here to not think about it and here I am talking about it the whole time". She doesn't know what makes her do it, but she reaches over to grab his hand and gently squeezes it.

"Don't apologize. I'm actually really relieved to be able to talk to someone who gets it".

"Ah, so these are happy tears". She lets out a genuine laugh and that might be the first one in months. He seems to notice too, because for the first time that night, she can see that familiar glinster in his eyes again. "It's nice to hear that sound again, Stefani".

The use of her last name makes her chuckle again, which looking from his facial expression, was the goal.

"Can we do this again soon?" She surprised herself when she heard the words escape her mouth, but his reaction came far too quickly for her to dwell in self doubt. "For sure. Just call me".

She isn't sure what this is or if it's even anything, but she does know that she made a complete 180 from the moment she stepped into this bar to now. She's been dealing with this on her own  
for months and as much as she tried to convince herself that that's the way she liked it, Blake made her realize differently. She wanted to hear his story, she wanted him to talk to her.  
This night with him here has been the happiest and most comfortable she's felt in a long long time....And if that doesn't scare the crap out of her, she doesn't know what does..

 

 

 

 


	2. The Repeat

The smell of her attorney's office lingered around her far after she left the building that afternoon. She took a couple deep breaths as she steadied herself, planting her feet firmly on the ground, -feeling like any moment her legs would give out on her-. She tried to focus on everything but herself and her own life; the sounds of people passing, the smell of the L.A air, sounds of cars honking all the way from the highway, birds chirping. It was weird to think the whole word was still spinning like nothing changed, while her whole world was crashing down fast and painfully. She just wanted everything to stop, even if it was just for a couple minutes, but the world was gonna spin no matter if she was a wife or not, wether she was happy or not, wether she _had a life or no_ t. It took her a couple minutes more before she managed to drag herself to her car and settling in; her hands firmly placed on the sides of the steering wheel, releasing a big sigh before taking off, heading to the empty mansion that once served as the place her not-yet- broken family lived in.

 

Her kids were with Gavin for the week which seemed to hurt even more after today. Going over the divorce settlement and being forced to face the tragedy her marriage turned out to be, felt like another kick to the stomach. The thing she hates her ex-husband for the most, is taking her kids away from her 50% of the time. Cheating be damned, her kids were and always have been her number one priority and the thought of not having them with her at all times broke her heart more than any of his cheating and lying ever could.

Laying down on the couch, she laid down in the silence her living room provided without three little boys running around, going through every emotion as her tears slowly ran out. She must've blacked out as some point because when she woke up, it was already past eight. The though of having dinner seriously made her nauseous as her stomach was still in knots because of today's activities.

She slowly sat up straight, rubbing her temple as her eyes were accommodating to lighting in the room. She found herself lost in thought again, but this time her mind unconsciously wondered off to a certain cowboy. She didn't know why, but something made her think of their surprise meeting in the bar a couple weeks ago. Things have been so busy and chaotic lately, she didn't even realize it had been that long, but right in this moment she felt a strong nostalgic feeling coming over her - _almost like she missed him-._ She must be losing her mind; they never even talked like that, she literally spent the whole day facing her broken marriage, she shouldn't be thinking about him, especially not in the way she is. But she doesn't seem to be in control of her mind and her thoughts won't wander from that little moment they had that night in the bar.

It takes one more hour for her to give in; when the silence and these four walls get to be too much for her. She picks up her phone and before even giving it a second thought, she's dialing his number.

She wasn't quite ready for the moment she heard his voice on the other side though, "I thought you'd never call." Something about the way he said it made her lightheaded; so real, so honest. So _him_.

"Yeah, sorry, I.....," she was about to tell him life just got a little too crazy and hectic, but that suddenly felt unnecessary. They're literally going through almost identical situations, he probably gets it. "I should've called sooner. How have you been?"

It takes a while for him to answer and suddenly feels bad for asking, since she hates that question too. How do people think she's doing? She's losing everything she always dreamed of having, of course she's fucked up. She's so done with everyone asking that rather condescending question, but when Blake answers her, he doesn't sound fed up, just raw;

"I'm alive, that's all that counts _right_?"

"I'd say so"

She figured a raw answer like his deserved nothing less than a honest one from her.

"Why are you calling, Gwen?" She can hear commotion on the other side of the line and she suddenly feels intrusive. He was probably in the middle of doing something important and here she was claiming his attention to make her pathetic self forget about her pain for a little while.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to just interrupt your night, but I was just thinking about the other night and how you said you wouldn't mind repeating it and..." she had to take a couple inhales of air before she continued, "I guess I was just hoping you'd be up for a repeat tonight..".

Just when she was sure he was going to deny her offer, she heard him slightly chuckling. "I might've beat you to it." Before she could ask what that meant, his voice cut through the line again, "I carried my sorry ass into this bar literally 20 minutes ago".

She would've laughed if it weren't for them being such messes, but instead she settles for the other option. "How about I meet you there?".

"I'll text you the address". And with that, her night suddenly seemed a bit brighter again.

 

 

She liked to think she knew her way around Beverly Hills, but the bar he lead her to certainly wasn't one she was familiar with. Then again, her social life used to pretty much exist of Gavin and her kids, bars weren't really part of her every day routine. And with that depressive thought she enters the dim bar, scanning her eyes over the people in there, desperately seeking _him_ out. She spots him at a table in the back, probably seeking out the most private place in there, which definitely seemed to work since her eyes had to work in overdrive to find him in the first place.

She's greeted by his gentle smile as she approaches him. He stands up to hug her as she takes the opportunity to inhale his scent; the way she melts into his embrace feels way too comfortable, so she forces herself to take a step back as she sits down across of him.

"Hi". Her voice is small and she can suddenly feel the nerves in the pit of her stomach. This feels so much difference than their first bar - meeting. Maybe it's the setting; its way more cozy, more intimate, more personal.

"I almost didn't see you, did you try to be invisible?"

He looked over at her then, smiling in a way she hadn't seen in a while. "I figured _'recently divorced Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani have late night bar date'_ headlines wouldn't make you the happiest".

She was pretty sure if she had a drink right now, she would've choked on it. She doesn't know if the fact he spoke her name in the same sentence as 'divorced' was what hit her so hard or if it was the fact he said it wouldn't make _her_ the happiest, indicating he actually took her feelings in account. Not trusting her voice, she whispered a soft thank you and he nodded slowly, not needing any more words.

 

 

"Fuck it, let's just be brutally honest with each other."

"Let's do it". She knew it was mostly the alcohol talking right now, but she didn't care.

"What made you stay so long?" She took some time to process his question, but ended up giving the easiest answer, "We have kids, you know." She could tell he wasn't completely buying her answer, but he didn't push it and she was grateful for that.

"With Miranda and I... I realized she was often happier when we were apart than together. It's like you get to a point where you're just together because you promised to be, not because you want to." His voice was steady, but his face betrayed the emotion behind his words. "I was trying to hold on to something that was already pretty much gone."

"You guys loved each other... that's what you do, you stay and try to fix your problems."

"You just want that to be true so you have an excuse not to leave." He takes a sip of his drink while carefully eying Gwen.

She swallows down the lump in her throat before daring to speak up, "I wanted it to be him," now it was her turn to swallow down the liquor in front of her, "When I said my vows 13 years ago, I meant them".

"It doesn't work when it's one-sided". The alcohol must make him more blunt than usual.

"I know, trust me... I know.." she takes a deep breathe, forcing herself to calm down a little, "It wasn't going to get better, I know that now. But that doesn't mean I don't wish things were different. I just couldn't fight for us any longer... not after what he _did_."

"After he cheated on you".

"What?"

" _He cheated on you_. You keep referring to it as 'what he did' or 'the thing'. I don't think I've ever heard you say the words".

She looked at him, and If it weren't for his gentle eyes staring back at her, she wouldn't have been able to keep it together. "After he cheated." The words were barely a whisper, but they were audible and he reached out for her hand after she spoke the words, rubbing soft circles on her skin. "You did the right thing by leaving that asshole."

"I broke up my family", she spoke bitterly.

"No darlin', he did". She couldn't help it then; the way he was looking at her, the way he was holding her hand gently and the caring way he spoke to her, got her tears flowing. He didn't seem to be freaked out by it though, he just held her hand tighter, squeezing occasionally, as she got herself together again after a couple minutes.

They talked like that for hours; they poured their hearts out over a couple more drinks and she let herself be soothed by his words and soft hand-touches as she teared up a couple more times. It was like the walls they had both built up after their divorces slowly crumbled down, - _which she credited the liquor for mostly_ -, but it was still a relieving yet terrifying thought how comfortable she felt with him like this. She started to realize that for a heart as broken and bruised as hers, it still manages to beat insanely fast for the person in front of her. He was putting her back together with every word he spoke to her and he wasn't even aware of it. She must've looked as spaced off as she was because when she snapped out of it, Blake was just staring at her intensely, as a small grin appeared on his face,

"There you are."

  
She felt herself blush at his words and _fuck what was happening to her?_ She uttered a soft apology but he shot her down; "Don't worry about it. You wanna talk about it?"

This time it was her who squeezed his hand as she smiled gently. "I missed this. Talking to you." 

"So did I."

They didn't speak any words after that, they just sat across of each other, hands still touching, basking in the comfortableness that their presence provided. Just when things were getting a bit too intense, they heard the bartender announce they were closing and this was the last round and it wasn't until then they noticed the time.

"I think he's kicking us out."

He laughed as he swallowed down the last of his drink and let go of her hand, "I think you're right. Are you ready to get out of here?"

 

They were standing outside and she didn't even realize she was leaning into him, until she felt his arm come around the side of her body, pressing her closer against him in the process. She knows she should probably create some distance between them, but the warmth his body provided against the cold night air, made her decide against it. The fact that she enjoyed being like this with him far too much, was something she just pushed to the back of her mind for now. "Thank you for tonight." His voice interrupted her inner dialogue and made her look up at him, "No problem cowboy, my pleasure". She wanted to tell him how every conversation they seem to have, helps her heal, but she didn't think he was ready to hear it yet and quite frankly, neither was she.

 


	3. Desire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long wait. I hope this chapter makes up for it a little

She didn't know how she ended up here, but here she was, on the floor in front of the couch, in his house, sharing drinks with a cowboy from Oklahoma. Never in a million years did she think this would be her life, but right now she can't say she's not enjoying it. After months of lawyers, legal papers and divorce settlements, it was nice to feel something else besides the numb feeling she had gotten accustomed to. There was no pressure to look good, no second guessing his intentions, no awkward silences, just two people genuinely enjoying each other's company.

When he had called her up, asking if she'd wanted to come over, she thought she might've responded too eagerly. That was until she arrived at his place and he welcomed her with an enthusiasm she hadn't experienced in what felt like a lifetime; agreeing to come here suddenly felt like her best decision yet.

He had opened a bottle of wine, before revealing some of his stronger "delights" She'd laughed at his silliness and before she knew it, they'd found themselves on the floor, shoulder to shoulder and slightly tipsy. It's been a long time since she'd felt this carefree and happy; Blake really did things to her she couldn't quite place. It scared her as much as it exhilarated her. It was addictive in a way.

She's been with him like this before - their late night bar dates had been quite telling-, but she'd never taken note of him the way she is now. It was always about forgetting something that had happened; forgetting her pain, her regrets, her fears. This time, she's not there to do any of that and somehow it makes her more attentive to _him_.

Not to what he can be for her in moments of needed distraction, but him as in the glorious person he is. She notices it all now; The way he rubs his hand over the back of his head when he gets nervous or shy, the different laughs he has,- the low chuckle that comes out when she's endearing and the loud, booming laugh when he finds her funny-, his way with words, the way he's caring without being smothering or possessive. It's until she's thinking thoughts like ' _how could anyone leave him?_ ', that she needs to stop herself from getting overwhelmed.

She must've been in her fantasy world for a while, because when she snaps out of it and locks eyes with Blake, he's already looking.

"Can I pour you another one, beautiful?" He's looking down at her hands, where she's holding her empty glass.

"Trying to get me drunk, cowboy?" She teases.

He doesn't answer, just shoots her a playful grin, before gently grabbing the glass from her hands and pouring her another one. When he hands her the glass back, their hands touch for just a second and it's enough for her whole body to erupt in goosebumps. He seems to be just as affected by her if the way he swallows loudly is any indication. She gets a breathy 'Thank you' out before taking a small sip.

She's not exactly sure what changed, but she's sure he feels it too. She's not ready for another relationship yet, but if he was to make a move to take some of the tension off, she wouldn't stop him. _She wondered if he had the courage she hadn't._

She feels him slightly shift, pressing his back firmer against the couch and the movement makes her fall into his side a bit more. Her whole side is now pressed against his and the lack of space between their bodies is almost nauseating, but she can't get herself to move away.

"I'm happy you're here, Gwen"

It was so random, she couldn't help the chuckle that escaped her mouth, before answering. "I'm happy I'm here too. I haven't had this much fun in a long time". She didn't even think about her next move as she bumped her shoulder into his, causing him to slightly rock to the right. He must have been surprised by her initiating physical contact, - innocent or not-, because he chuckled nervously before gently nudging her back. It was so natural, so normal already. It amazed her how easy it was for them to fall into this flirty banter without adding any pressure to whatever this was between them.

 

They sat like that for a while longer, before Gwen's eyes fell onto the clock in the living room, revealing it was way past midnight. He caught her glance and reluctantly spoke up.

"We should probably call it a night."

She wasn't sure why hearing his words made her sad, but it did and she wasn't good at hiding it apparently cause the next thing she heard was his laugh as he looked at her, "We can do this again soon". Only seconds later his insecurities seemed to kick in, as he started retreating, "I mean... If you want to of course".

He was so endearing like this, but she also got the overbearing need to reassure him.

"I'd love to Blake." And it might have been the most genuine thing she'd said all night. He knew it too, because the smile on his face couldn't possibly be any bigger. She didn't realize how intoxicated she truly was until she tried to stand up. Her body felt like bag of bricks and she had to focus hard on keeping her balance. Blake's hands made their way to her arms as he helped steady her, smiling gently down on her.

"You okay, Gwen?"

She giggled before shyly meeting his gaze.

"I might've gone a bit overboard with the alcohol tonight", her words were slightly slurred and it made the both of them chuckle.

"Why don't you stay tonight, Gwen?" Her eyes widened at his request and she could see fear creep into his features, but he held his ground. They both were in no condition to drive and he didn't want to call her an Über when he had a perfectly fine guest room ready for her.

" _Please stay_ " he had whispered it so softly she wasn't sure he meant to say it out loud. Without giving it a second thought she nodded her head, leaning forward so her head rested on his chest; not sure if it was the alcohol making her tired or her desire to feel him as close as possible getting the best of her. She felt his heartbeat underneath her and it just all seemed so right. This moment, this whole night, her staying; she couldn't help but think that maybe she deserved this boy after all she'd been through. He was making her feel so good, so safe, so cared for, how could this be wrong? She never wanted this moment to end and he didn't seem to rush it either, as his arms had come around her waist, resting on her back, pulling her closer to him, -like that was even possible-.

After staying like that for a couple minutes she felt him gently retreat and she missed the warmth of his body immediately. She clung to him tighter In a desperate attempt to keep him right there were he was, which caused him to release a low chuckle. "You should try and get some sleep, baby girl. This headache is gonna be a bitch tomorrow". She let him move away slightly, until she was able to look up at him and before she could stop herself, her lips were on his. She could feel him momentarily freeze for a second, so she decided to deepen the kiss; reassuring him that it's okay. He seemed to catch what she was throwing; his tongue gently parting her lips, findings hers in the process. She couldn't help the moan that escaped her when the new sensations registered within her. As the make out was getting more intense, she felt her back make contact with the wall; the cold of the wall against her overheated body only making her hotter. Her hands were suddenly everywhere; his hair, his chest, his arms, his face.

Blake takes a small step back, fully intending to pull away, but his gaze lands on Gwen's mouth again, lips slick and shining, and he feels compelled, cannot resist. The next kiss is much slower, a long, lingering press of lips, slotted together in the most perfect of ways; until Blake makes the move to deepen the kiss again, his tongue making a slow sweep through her mouth, the two brushing together, getting tangled as Gwen chases Blake’s back into her own mouth.

Gwen's mouth trails along his jaw, down the side of his neck, stopping to suck at his pulse point, a steady, rapid thump beneath her tongue. She is slowly rocking her hips into his and It’s torturous to pull away from that, but he does. "Gwen" his voice was breathy and she could tell his self control was hanging on by a threat, "Gwen... baby.." his hands grabbed the side of her face, placing a quick peck on her lips, before pulling his face away, leaving her slightly pouting. "Believe me, there's nothing I want more than having you like this, but you're drunk..."

"Not that drunk" she retreated

"Drunk enough. I just don't want you to regret this. Let's wait until you're sober and if I'm still lucky enough to have you want me, I'd be honored to do this again. I just want to do this right, Gwen".

His words made her tear up and she had to blink a couple times to keep her tears from falling. She smiled up at him, placing a soft kiss on his cheek as she cleared her throat.  
"Okay". It was all she said before he gently grabbed her hand and lead her to the guest room.

He'd made sure she was completely comfortable before exiting the room; her exhausted body falling back onto the bed. She replayed their make out from earlier over and over and she surprised herself by not regretting it for a second. If anything, she was disappointed for it not going any further, even though deep down she knew it was the right thing to stop it there. Blake had been such a gentleman about the whole thing and she couldn't believe God would put such a blessing in her life right now. He was saving her and he didn't even know it.  
She knew she was getting in too deep, but she couldn't help it. She'd spent the majority of her life being passive and only catering into the need of others, all she wanted to do now was get lost in the pleasure and joy this amazing man provided for her. The whole night she spent thinking about what it would be like to sleep next to him, feel his body against hers as she would cuddle up against him. The way his hands and tongue would feel on her body, the way he'd feel _inside_ of her, on top of her. He turned her on to the point of no return and she couldn't wait to repeat tonight's actions when they were sober. With that thought, she fell into the most blissful sleep she's had in years.

 

Waking up in his house the next morning was definitely weird and overwhelming in a way. She's been with the same guy for 20 years and this is the first time she'd woken up in another guys house, other than Gavin, and no matter how happy she was to be here, she couldn't help but get a little emotional thinking about how much had changed.

Slowly she made her way out of bed and put on a robe she found hanging in the room. It was obviously way too large and engulfed her entire frame, but it smelled like Blake and so she wrapped it around herself tightly before exiting the room and making her way to the living room.

She found Blake already in the kitchen, working on some breakfast and she took in the domestic sight of him cooking for a little while, as he hadn't taken notice of her yet. She smiled to herself and the emotions she'd felt earlier about waking up here, had disappeared completely . She made her way into the kitchen and wrapped her arms around his torso, burying her face into his back.

"Good morning" she murmured softly. "Mornin". His Southern drawl was extra heavy in the morning and all the passion and desire she felt last night came flooding right back. He turned around to look at her and placed a kiss on her forehead.

"I was gonna bring you breakfast in bed." She wasn't used to being this taken care of and she couldn't believe he was real, but at the same time she really wasn't really surprised either. 

"Sorry to screw that up. I couldn't sleep anymore and I missed you."

"You didn't screw anything up. I missed you too".

She placed a soft peck on his lips and let go of him momentarily to peek at the food he was preparing her.

"You hungry?"

She nodded her head, locking her arms around him again, "I'm starving."

"How about we just go back upstairs and have our breakfast in bed anyways?"

She smiled up at him as he winked at her briefly,

 

"Sounds perfect."

 


	4. Let Go

Gwen checks herself out in the mirror for what seems like the billionth time in the past five minutes. She can’t help it her nerves are on high alert; she hasn't been on a real official date with another man that wasn't her ex-husband and she couldn't help but feel like she was crossing a huge milestone in her life. One she never intended on crossing, but felt so good nonetheless.

They've been texting everyday since that night in his house and she was starting to get addicted to seeing his name on her display screen. It was crazy how their dynamic changed in only one night; they went from friends to something in between sooner than she thought possible. She remembered Blake telling her how he would love to pick up where they left off that drunken night, but they hadn't gotten to a repeat yet and she couldn't help but wonder if tonight was gonna be **_that_** night.

When he'd asked her to go on an actual date with him, he'd sounded so nervous, she couldn't help but giggle at his shyness before wholeheartedly agreeing to his request. Now she's standing in his living room, facing the gorgeous cowboy in front of her, she suddenly understands his nervousness from earlier much better.

She must admit that the way he looked at her when he opened the door, took some of the worst nerves away; his jaw slightly dropped and he looked at her like she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.Even now, she can still feel his eyes practically scan over her whole body. She decided to go for a tight black dress, hugging her in all the right places, her signature red lipstick and her blond locks falling freely over her shoulders.

"God Gwen, you're gorgeous."

She bit her lip, unable to hide the blush forming on her cheeks before reaching out for his hand; "You're not looking too bad yourself."

 

 

Dinner is going way more smoothly than she expected; they talk, they laugh and occasionally touch hands briefly, before the tension gets too much and one of them gently pulls away. She feels like she can be herself around him and that's something new for her. He genuinely wants to listen to what she has to say and she feels like she can talk to him without restrictions. She jokingly calls him out for staring once, when she's in the middle of a story and he's gazing at her like a love struck teenager, not reacting at all when she finishes and she clears her throat, "Hello Blake, you there?". He nervously chuckles at her and rubs a hand over the back of his neck, knowing he's caught, "Yeah, sorry Gwen. I just... Holy shit, I can't believe you're real sometimes."

 

At the end of the evening they find themselves pressed against each other on the couch, just basking in each other's company, not needing to speak any words. She's so deeply snuggled into his side, she can feel his heartbeat in his chest and she can't remember a time where she felt this content with just being. If this was all they did for the rest of the night, - just sitting next to each other in silence-, she'd be perfectly content. Like he could read her mind, he turns his attention to her, apparently feeling a little sentimental himself. "I had a really nice time tonight." His voice is soft and she can't help but gently smile at him. He cups her cheek with his hand, brushes his knuckles against the curve of her jaw and she can feel her whole body shivering by his light touch. "Seriously. I couldn't have asked for a better night with a more perfect woman."

She ducks her head in a blush as his thumb traipses over her lips. She lifts her hand to grasp his wrist, turning her head to press a kiss to his palm. It's so innocent, but it's probably the most intense moment of the whole night so far.

"There's no place I rather be." It's true too.

He pulls her into his arms, closing his eyes as he lets out a small, relieved sigh. "You have no idea how good it feels to hear you say that," he admits.

She sometimes forgets that he's insecure too, by the way he's always able to be so unapologetically honest with her, but in moments like this, where he's genuinely surprised at her wanting to be here with him like this, it shows.

"You don't even know how good you are, Blake" She's lazily skimming her fingers over his chest, as she feels him inhaling deeply. "You're really warm".

"A gorgeous woman just gave me a beautiful compliment. What do you expect?"

" _Oh_." She slides her hand up to the front of his shirt, fiddles dangerously with the buttons. "So it has nothing to do with the way I'm pressed against you right now?" she asks innocently, shifting so that she's almost straddling his thigh.

He groans. "That might be a factor too."

She opens a button from his shirt, tossing her hair over her shoulder seductively. She leans into his neck, flicks her tongue against it, just below his jaw.

"Touch me, Blake."

 

Blake lifts his head just enough to press their foreheads together, nuzzling a little before he captures Gwen's lips in a slow, deep kiss. It lingers for the longest time, until she can't take the slow pace anymore and slowly but surely starts rocking her hips on top of him. Blake whimpers into the kiss and grinds up against her, if he has any intent of stopping this, he sure as hell doesn't let it show.

"Blake," Gwen says and there's a rasp in her voice, thick with want and need. She pushes herself up a little, just enough to press her hands to Blake's shoulders and it adds more pressure on her hips, presses her tighter against Blake. It makes them both groan and she feels like she's slowly going out of her mind. But Blake keeps up his slow pace, -hot hands on her thighs, the barely there movements of his own hips, enough for now-, obviously in no hurry to speed things along here.

She decided to take matters into her own hands, since Blake was obviously in the mood to draw this out. She shifted her weight, purposely rubbing against Blake's semi-erection. The little intake of breath from him as she did so, told her she was doing it exactly right. She linked her arms around his neck and looked into his eyes, her own twinkling with mischief; enjoying the way she could kinda take the lead with him right now.

"That..." Blake's voice cut off with a slight whimper. "Is not fair."

"What's not fair?" She asked with mock innocence, grinding down against the growing hardness.

" _That_."

She rolled her hips again and felt him buck up against her. Dipping her head a little, she captured Blake's lips again and kissed him deeply. She could feel his tongue touch hers and she knew she was a goner. Her whole body was on fire and she never wanted this feeling to stop. Attentive to the way her body was reacting to him now, she felt him breaking off the kiss to look at her, his big hands rested on Gwen's small hips, guiding her grinding now. Her eyes closed and her head dipped back slightly; her body suddenly going tense and she knew she was close. "That good?"

She groaned when she felt Blake pressing her firmer against him, intensifying the feeling for her. "Shit."

"I got you. Let go baby."

Her whole body goes limp and her head falls forward onto his shoulder and she's barely breathing when the feeling subsides after what feels like an eternity. She nuzzled her head deeper into his neck, not wanting to let go of him yet.

"Can we stay like this for a little bit longer?"

"As long as you want, baby girl."

 

 

  
These next days kinda go by in a haze. The texting and unexpected phone calls is all they have for a while, since Blake is spending the next week in Oklahoma. She misses him and the way she literally aches to see him again terrifies her. The fact that this is also the week her kids are with their dad, doesn't make this any easier.

She's tired, can barely keep her eyes open and yet she's wide awake, watching the hours pass by. Usually when she'd be up all through the night, it was because the weight of her terrible year came crashing down hard, but there was none of that tonight. If anything, the thoughts of a certain cowboy were keeping her up. As if on cue, her phone lit up. She didn't even have to see the name on her phone to know who just texted her.

**  
Can't sleep. Thinking about you.**

  
She still wasn't completely used to his blunt honesty when it came to his feelings, especially when they were about his feelings for her. She often wished she had his bravery when it came down to this. She's so scared of rejection, so scared of not being enough, even the words 'I'm thinking about you' seem tricky. He opened the door for her though; so she wasn't gonna let it close without walking through it.

  
**I've been thinking about you non stop lately. What are you doing to me? Gx**

  
She sent the text without giving it a second thought which caused her to panic only seconds later. Had she been too straight forward? Was she too extra with it? He didn't give her much time to overthink, as her screen lit up her bedroom again.

  
**I would feel bad if that wasn't exactly what you've been doing to me for a while now.**

 

  
But it's the next night that puts everything they are in a better perspective for the both of them. It's one of those nights where everything just feels wrong and when she hears her phone ring and sees Blake's name appear on her caller ID, it feels like the greatest relief. Not that she wasn't gonna give him some shit for calling her at 4 AM though.

 

"Cowboy, 4 AM, _really_?"

 

"I'm sorry"

 

His voice startled her; he sounded rough, _broken_ even.

 

"Blake are you okay?"

 

"I saw _her_ today"

 

It takes her a while to muster up a reply, because she knows how rough it is to be faced with the person who broke you after spending so much time picking yourself up and there's really nothing she can say to make that pain any less.

 

"Just randomly ran into her. It's like she was deliberately trying to hit me where it hurts. To make matters worse, this is also the day 25 years ago where I lost my brother."

 

And there it is. The _real_ underlying reason for his phone call. She wished she would've known about that being today, so she could've given him some extra encouragement throughout the day, but she needs to be there for him now and that's exactly what she plans on doing.

 

"God, I'm so sorry Blake."

 

All she hears for a few moments is his ragged breathe on the other end of the line and she physically hurts for him. "What can I do for you Blake? Name it and I'll do it."

 

"Just.... Just don't hang up just yet."

 

She hates how insecure he sounds. Like she could actually hang up on him like this. Like he needs to be strong for her, but it's barely hanging on. She just wants him to know she's here and he's safe with her, but she also isn't sure about how much she can push this right now. She hates all the miles between them because all she wants to do is wrap her arms around him and hold him close and it's the most selfless feeling she's had in a while.

It's when she hears him struggle to get his words out again, she speaks up. "You don't always have to be the strong one, Y'know? You could break down and I'd still think you're one of the strongest people I've ever met."

And then it happens. He breaks and she listens. Listens for what feels like an eternity and she almost sobs for him. More than anything she wishes she could physically be there for him; reach through the phone somehow, hold him close, but all she can do is stay on the phone, hear him out and occasionally whisper a 'I'm here'.

After what must've been a good 20 minutes, he speaks again, his voice not much above a whisper. "God, I'm s-" - but she doesn't let him finish.

"Don't apologize Blake. You really shouldn't apologize for being human."

"Thank you... For this. For being here."

 

"Always, Blake. I'm here, for as long as you need me."

 

It takes him a while before he answers, but when he does, his voice is unhesitatingly clear;

 

 

"I know."

 

 

And that's how it must've happened. It wasn't a grand 'I want to be more than friends' kinda moment, no groundbreaking revelations, just her telling him she's there for him and Blake acknowledging this as a fact. It's raw, it's real and it's _them_.


	5. Truths

Blake is finally coming back to L.A tonight and she's not ashamed to admit that was the only thing getting her through the day. She's been running around ever since 6 AM and she can't wait to wrap her arms around her favorite cowboy. The kids are spending the week with her though, so she can't take things too far, but nonetheless she's bursting with excitement at the thought of him. After dropping her kids off at school, she decided to make a quick stop at the studio. All the feelings Blake awakened within her in these last couple of weeks, gave her enough inspiration to write multiple songs. The first time she wrote a song about him, knocked the wind out of her; the honesty in her own lyrics scaring her. When she thinks of lines in her head, that's one thing. Writing them out and seeing them on paper, was on a whole other level. She can't deny what's right in front of her.

Going from heartbroken and shattered to heartbroken and hopeful was quite the transition to make. But she made it and she was proud of that. She couldn't ignore the string of insecurities it brought as well; she's always been a hard lover. She gives her all and her mistake is believing others would too. Can she expect from Blake the same amount of passion she has for him? Is she thinking too far ahead of herself? They haven't even made this thing offical yet. They're still in the beginning phase of whatever this is between them and she can't help but fear he'll close the book before they get to the next chapter. She's never been lucky in love; what made her think this would be any different? And yet, _it did_.

The rest of the day was filled with going over some new LAMB designs, in between writing down some new lyrics, -She's never been good at doing just one thing-. After what felt like hours, she somehow ended up in her closet, going through some designer clothes she'd been sent by her own brand. She still has to pinch herself about this actually being her life; she'd always loved fashion, but never did she ever imagine standing in her huge walk-in closet, surrounded by clothes of her own fashion line.

  
As she zoned out there for a minute, she managed to kick over one of her design books, causing multiple loose pages to fall on the floor. "Shit". She's scrabling the pages together, piling them on top of each other as she opens one of the drawers in her closet. As she places the book in there, her eyes wander to a picture in the back. She doesn't remember how it got there, but she grabs it without thinking and she finds herself momentarily frozen. It's a picture of her, Gavin and the kids at one of their birthdays. She remembers how hard it was gettting all of her kids to behave long enough to have the picture taken, she remembers how she and Gavin had a huge fight literally hours after that party, she also remembers how as twisted it was,- _her family was still intact-_. She didn't realize she was crying until she saw tears fall onto the picture in her hand. As soon as the first sob left her body, the dam broke. Her body shook with the force of her sobs and her breathes came out in loud gasps. Like her mind knew she needed saving, her thoughts wondered off to **_him_** in the midst of the chaos in her head.

_  
\- The battle rounds of season 7 were in full force and while the Voice usually was the place she'd love to escape to, the way she's leaning against the back of her trailer, fighting back the tears, was anything but pleasant and for the first time in maybe ever, she couldn't wait to get out of there. She knew having her husband there as an advisor was a bad idea from the start, but she didn't imagine it actually be worse than her fears. She knows she's been in this business for decades and has something to offer to these kids, but somehow he always knows how to reduce her to an insecure mess._

_"Hey, you okay?" his voice startled her and he seemed to notice. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare ya". She looks up to find Blake standing in front of her, his clear blue eyes locking onto hers as she finds his gaze._

_She stands up a bit straighter, slightly backing away from her trailer, "No, that's okay". She takes a couple deep breathes, -steadying herself- before continuing, "I'll be fine"._

_Her voice is a lot more shaky than she intented and she hates how vulnerable she sounds in that moment._

_"You're awesome Gwen. You weren't asked to do this thing for nothing, The Voice is lucky to have you."_

_She has no idea how he even knew that's what she needed to hear, but she's at a loss for words for a moment. She just looks at him and hopes the look she gives him shows him how grateful she is for his words and he smiles at her gently;_

_"If you ever need to talk, I'm here" -_

  
Her sobs were getting less as she thinks back to one of the first times Blake was there for her. They were just collegues back then, couldn't even really consider them friends, but he still cared about her enough to check up on her. She thinks back to the look in his eyes as he comforted her; like he knew exactly how she felt. In hindsight, h _e probably did._

She takes a couple more moments to compose herself, - unconsiously wondering off to another memory of Blake-.

 

  
_\- "Gwen, you don't have to prove anything to me" his voice sounded secure; firm even._

_She's sitting upright in her bed, fumbling with the sheets, her phone pressed against her ear, his words loud and clear. She wants to tell him she's not trying to prove anything, but she is. She's always trying to prove people things. Prove her ex-husband she's enough. Prove her kids she's strong. Prove her label she's not done yet. Prove to Blake she's worth taking a chance on. Her own need to be enough for everyone is slowly exhausting her and here she is on the phone with Blake, trying to calm down._

" _I am so tired of feeling like this" she releases a deep breath, her eyes burning and her heart hurting_.

 

_"I know_ "

 

_"It hurts, Blake_ "

 

"I know"

 

_She's crying now. Her hands shaking so badly she had to put him on speaker. All the hurt and betrayal came out again and Blake let her get it all out. Not once got annoyed or impatient._

_His Southern drawl came only seconds later, "You're going to be fine, y'know. If there's one thing I've learned from the rather short amount of time I've known you, is that you're an incredibly strong woman. Exceptionally strong" his words faded off a little, letting her bask into the truth behind his words. She wanted to let him know how much his words meant, but she couldn't talk and again he was there, like he could read her mind. "It's okay. You don't have to say anything"._

_She inhales deeply, "I hope you're right". It's not much, but its the most she can do at the moment._

_  
"Trust me"_

 

_And she **does**._

 

 

She managed to get herself out of her closet and made her way into the living room. She still felt shaky, but she got herself together for the most part. The rest of the day went by pretty fast. She got her kids back from school and was on mom-duty for the rest of the night. Spending time with her kids got her mind of things most of the time, but she couldn't help but think of Blake coming home tonight. It was still strange for her to feel this type of desire for anyone other than her ex and today's events didn't exactly help, but she also couldn't believe how blessed she was to have found him.

She put her kids to bed about 30 minutes before she heard heard Blake arrive. It was probably pathetic to some how quickly she made her way to the door, but she didn't care.

 

  
"Hey beatiful"

 

She let herself fall into his arms and soaked up the warmth his arms provided once they wrapped around her. She let her hands wander on his chest and felt the steady beat of his heart underneath her palms.

 

"I missed you"

  
She thinks back to her breakdown earlier today as her eyes look over to Blake, standing in front of her, holding her so selflessly. She'd missed him so much and having him here with her was more healing than even she had imagined. Before he can get another word out, she stops him. Clearly confused, he stays silent, giving her some time to form her next words. She's holding onto the hem of his shirt, nervously toying with the fabric, when the silence becomes too much for him.

 

"Gwen..?"

 

She lets out a slow, shaky breath. "I still haven't told you how much I like you, have I?" she whispers.

He sucks in a breathe. "I assumed", he offers weakly, giving her a small smile for his attempt at cracking a joke.

"You shouldn't have to assume, Blake" she murmurs, nuzzling her face into the crook of his neck. She kisses him there, just below his ear, before pulling away to meet his gaze. Her eyes are shining, as she realizes she's holding back tears. Happy ones this time. _Relieved_ ones.

She doesn't even mean to say it out loud, but she suddenly can't let another second go by without telling him.  

 

 

 

 

 

_"Thank you for saving me"_


	6. Clearity

She's overthinking this. She _must_ be overthinking this. Blake likes her for who she is, not for the image the general public has of her. She doesn't need to be that dolled up version of her, for him to see her. Yet, here she is standing in her own bathroom, getting ready for bed, - knowing he's waiting for her in her bedroom-, and she can't help but feel like she's going to be a disappointment.

Ever since that moment he showed up at her door and she'd laid all her feelings out there, she'd expected him to get freaked out, but instead he completely embraced her words and couldn't keep his hands off her all night.

  
They'd both missed each other like crazy and she couldn't even begin to explain how good it felt to actually _feel_ missed. Everything about tonight just proved how much he actually liked her and feeling the insecurities she was feeling at the moment, almost felt like some sort of betrayal towards Blake. She knew she had to get out of the bathroom at some point, so she took off the last remains of make-up, put her hair up in a messy bun and inhaled deeply, before steeping out of the door.

Blake was situated on her bed, lost in his phone and he didn't notice her until she sat down next to him. He immediately shifted his attention to her, locking his phone and shooting her a soft smile. She couldn't quite look at him, so instead she buried her face into his chest and held on to him extra tight, like he was going to leave if she didn't.

"You okay baby?"

Always in tune with her feelings, it didn't take him long to figure out something was off. She was going to wave it off, tell him everything was fine, but something stopped her from doing so. Ever since they started hanging out, truth was the one thing they bonded over. From the moment they'd shared their stories over drinks, to this moment here, _truth_ has been the reason for their relationship to develop. Honesty is something she's missed for so many years, she can't take for granted the fact that she has that now. She can't take for granted the fact that she found someone interested in all her truths.

She lifts her head off his chest slowly and moves her gaze to meet his. She realizes this is the first time he's seeing her free from any barriers, -nothing to hide behind-, and while he's probably clueless to how big this moment is, she's trying to breathe through this personal milestone.

"I'm sorry", her voice is barely above a whisper.

She can see the wheels turning in his head, obviously not understanding why she's apologizing. "Sorry for what? What's wrong, Gwen?"

She wants to kick herself for worrying him, especially since she's struggling to articulate what's wrong. She sat up in the process, her back firmly pressed against the headboard,

"It's just... I.... This is the first time you're seeing me like _this_ and I just.... I don't want you to be disappointed."

"See you like _what_?"

She doesn't answer and she can see he's trying to puzzle it together. She can visibly see the moment it clicks and she can't help but look away then.

"Gwen...", his hand lifts her chin up to look at him, "Hey Gwen, look at me". She feels her eyes fill with tears and the moment her eyes lock onto his, she lets them fall.

"Baby, you're _breathtaking_. Wether you're completely dolled up or completely natural like you are now, you'll take my breath away both occasions", her tears are flowing steady now, "You could never disappoint me, Gwen".

"So you don't prefer me a certain way? Like at _all_?" There's a hint of disbelieve in her voice and she knows he heard it too.

 

"I prefer you _happy_."

 

She's straddling him in a matter of seconds and throws her arms around his neck, her head coming to rest on his shoulder. She feels his hand rubbing slow circles on her back and she feels herself calming down. After staying like that for a couple minutes, they find themselves snuggled up against each other under the covers and _happy_ is exactly how she's falling asleep.

 

 

 

The next morning starts early for them; Blake had set the alarm around six so he could get away before the kids woke up and even though she was grateful for his understanding, she still felt bad. She feels him slowly shift in her arms and she feels the need to push him back into her, already missing the warmth of his body, the minute he pulled away. "Don't go", she whispers the words and she knows he can't stay, but she says them anyway.

He softly presses his lips against hers, while his hand gently touches her face, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. _"One day, darling."_

She feels like her heart is going to explode, hearing him talk about the future. _Their_ future. She can't wait for the day they wake up together like this as he stays while the kids are home as well. She knows it's too soon now, having him stay would just confuse her children too much and she has to protect them, but god she hates having to say goodbye to him.

After stealing a couple more kisses, she lets him get up and get dressed. She knows she has about 30 minutes before the chaos starts and she has to get her three boys ready for school, so she decides to close her eyes one more time; partially to get some more rest and partially so she doesn't have to watch Blake get ready to leave. Once he's dressed, he walks over to her side of the bed, pressing a kiss on her forehead.

"Will I see you again today?" She sounded almost desperate and she heard Blake chuckle lowly.

"How about I bring you some lunch later?"

"Sounds great, cowboy."

With that, he leaves and she turns around one more time, until her alarm goes off for the second time that morning.

 

 

Getting her kids ready for school in the morning was always a challenge; how they'd have the energy that early in the day, she had no clue about, but they managed somehow. With the rest of the day off, she's glad she's getting to see her cowboy again soon. Having him leave her bed this morning was a way harder task than she initially imagined it'd be and she's not ashamed to say she's already missing him bad (okay, maybe she is a _little_ bit embarrassed).

She tries to distract herself with going over some LAMB designs, and making some important phone calls, but her mind stays occupied with one special person. She can't quite understand how he's gotten so important to her so quick, but here she is.

  
She knew when she talked to him for the first time, - _really_ _talked_ _to_ _him_ -, that night in the bar, that they had something special. She was never that comfortable with talking about the things they had talked about, with anyone else before. Everything about them is real and different and she absolutely craves it.

She's in the middle of making herself some coffee, when the doorbell rings. She practically flies from the kitchen to the door and she giggles at her own eagerness, before opening the door. Blake's standing in front of her with a paper bag (which she assumes is their lunch) and the biggest smile plastered on his face. She hugs him tightly, inhaling his scent as she ushers him in.

 

"I missed you so much, oh my god"

 

"It's been like 6 hours."

 

"6 hours too many".

 

They make their way into the kitchen, where she finishes the coffee she started on, while Blake unpacks the lunch he bought and it feels so normal and domestic, she wishes she could stop time for a moment, instead settles for a mental snapshot.

She realizes that waking up with Blake next to her and having lunch with him in her house, are two things she could definitely get used to. She's taking in the way he looks right now; his dimples seem even more prominent today and the jeans, plaid shirt and truckers cap, just reminds her of how _different_ he is. He is different, yet so alike and she can't explain it, - she doesn't want to either-, it's just right.

 

"I need to tell you something", he whispered.

 

She bit her lip, "Okay".

 

He took a deep breathe. "I'm just as scared as you are."

 

Her eyes flew up to his, swallowing the bite she just took, "What?"

 

He gave her a sheepish grin. "It's true. I've never this way about anyone before and it scares the shit out of me", he moves his hand over the table to grab hers, "It just feels so real, so pure. I don't think I ever felt anything like it."

She was at a loss for words. She knew exactly how he felt, but his sheer ability to just voice his feelings like that, still startled her sometimes. Her heart is beating insanely fast and she can feel herself getting emotional again, as she squeezes his hand.

"Gosh Blake, the things you make me feel...", she trails off, but she doesn't need to finish her sentence for Blake to get it. Instead he just lifts her hand to his mouth, as he places a kiss there, "I know babe, I feel the exact same way".

  
And it's when he speaks those words and she believes him, that it hits her:

_  
She might've actually gotten it right this time._

 

 

 


	7. Running

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's going to get a little angsty this chapter ....

She knows she lets him get under her skin in a way she swore she wouldn’t ever let him again, but she can’t seem to help it. The insecurities and doubts he’d planted in her mind weren’t something she could just ignore. What was supposed to be a ‘simple’ meeting; dropping of her kids at Gavin’s place for the week, turned out to be a big mind fuck.  
  
As soon as she approached him, handing Apollo, -who was reluctant to let go of her-, which probably made things even worse, she could tell Gavin was in the mood to argue. She’s used to the mean remarks he throws her way every now and then, but when it’s with the kids that closely around, it’s barely impossible for her to take.  
  
Apparently, her close friends and family weren’t the only ones who seemed to notice the happy glow she had going on, since Gavin wasted no time confronting her about it.  
  
“God Gwen, you would think that after being married for 13 years, it would take you a bit longer than this to start fucking around again.”  
  
She wanted to call him out on the irony and hypocriticy of it all, but she knew her three boys were around somewhere, so she willed herself to swallow down all the replies coming to mind. “I’ll be picking them back up around the same time, next week”, she answered instead, ignoring his previous stab.  
  
“Sure”, his short reply came. “You know he’s not gonna stick around for all this, huh?” he said nodding his head towards the kids running inside the house. “What makes you think he wants to play dad permanently?”  
  
“I’m not doing this today”, she said as she made a move to leave, before another one of his comments left his mouth.  
  
“You’re _damaged goods_ , Gwen.”  
  
Her self-defence mechanism has always been ignoring him; avoiding conflict, so she wills herself to take a few more steps towards her car, ignoring every insult coming her way until she’s safely shut inside her car. She sees Gavin make his way inside, and she lets out a deep, shaky breath when she’s sure he’s out of sight.  
  
It took a couple moments for her shock of it all to wear off, which was time enough for her to turn her shock into a way too familiar feeling of numbness. It’s with a heavy heart that she leaves her kids behind and drives off to her own place, where she knows Blake will meet her soon…  
  
_She almost cancelled_.  
  
**  
  
_“You’re damaged goods_ ”  
  
These words kept replaying itself in her head. She wanted so badly to believe that Blake didn’t see her like that, she even felt like she owed it to him to believe he didn’t; he never gave her a reason to doubt him, but she couldn’t seem to shake it out of her mind.  
  
She was a woman in her mid-forties with three kids, after all. She wouldn’t blame Blake for not being interested, but he gave her hope. Hell, she gave her heart to this man; she had too much on the line for it to come down to this now. But maybe that’s on her. Maybe she was wrong for ever letting herself believe that things could be this good.  
  
_“What makes you think he wants to play dad permanently_ ”  
  
He hasn’t really spent any time with her kids yet; at least not as their mom’s boyfriend. He’s met the boys plenty of times on the set of the Voice, and he has ‘spoken’ to Apollo over FaceTime a couple of times, - their conversations mostly a bunch of giggles and funny faces-, but still enough to make her heart explode with love.  
  
She’s sure he gets along great with her kids and her kids already like Blake, but they both agreed it was too soon to have them introduce him as her boyfriend yet; her kids still accommodating to their parents splitting up. She’s starting to doubt his reasons though. He said he agreed because he understood where she was coming from, but what if the real reason for him not being excited about meeting her kids like that, is because he’s not up for that part.  
  
She almost feels stupid for even bringing it up to him. She should’ve known from the start this wouldn’t turn out the way she wanted it to. Now she’s invested and attached to him, and most likely has to let him go. Her heart not even fully recovered from its latest heartbreak.  
  
The doorbell snaps her out of thought and makes her move from the spot in the kitchen for the first time since she came home. Opening the door to find Blake smiling down at her, was almost too much. How she normally would’ve thrown herself in his arms, how distant she was this time around. He followed her in, obviously confused.  
  
She felt his presence behind her as she found her spot in the kitchen again; unable to look at him. Her mind was reeling with possible scenarios and horrible thoughts about herself, and she knew she was in the process of breaking things she would probably never be able to mend again, but her heart was too tired and her mind too fucked up, to do anything else in the moment.  
  
“Gwen….”, his nervous voice came, “what’s wrong baby?”  
  
She took a small step back, before turning around to finally face him. His face was filled with concern and she ran a nervous hand through her hair at the sight of it. She could not believe this was happening. Couldn’t believe that her stupid ex, made her so self-conscious, again, that she was about to say what she was about to say.  
  
After all these months of finally feeling joy again, and being saved by this person, she was about to walk away from the one man who made her happier than anyone ever had; the one who dared to pick her broken pieces up, and put them back together. She knew this, and _yet_ …  
  
“I’m sorry”, she choked out, already feeling her heart shattering in her chest.  
  
Blake still didn’t seem to put the pieces together, and she hated herself. Hated herself for doing this to him, but somehow she’d convinced herself that it was better to end things now than to hang on until they inevitably fell apart.  
  
She looked down, unable to meet his gaze; mostly out of fear of what she’d find in his eyes. The love she was in the process of destroying, the heart she was once again about to tear apart. Maybe it was cowardly, but she knew the chances of her backtracking if she looked at him now.  
  
“Gwen, what’s wrong? Please talk to me.” She saw him take a step forward to reach for her, but he stopped himself when she took another step back. He was confused and hurt and it broke her to know she was the one who caused this.  
  
“I shouldn’t have let it get this far”, she says finally, her voice breaking as she forces back the sobs that try to make their way out. “I’m too broken and you…”, she shakes her head, “You deserve so much more, Blake”, his name breaking on her lips.  
  
He brings a hand over his face, and she can visibly see it all fall from his face as he brings his hand back down; the love, hope, strength. “ _Gwen_ ”, her name comes out as a small whisper and he seems too dumbfounded to come up with a proper response. If there’s even such a thing.  
  
“I’m damaged goods, Blake. Trust me, you don’t want this.” Her voice sounded a lot stronger than she felt in that moment, and for that she was grateful.  
  
“What are you talking about, Gwen? Do you think that’s how I see you? Damaged goods...?”  
  
“It doesn’t matter.”  
  
“No, it does matter. Is that how you think I see you?” He asked again.  
  
“If that’s not how you see me, I don’t think you see me for who I really am.” She regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth, watching his heart break over them.  
  
They both remain quiet for a moment, the hurt and shock in his eyes reminding her of the horrible situation they’re currently in. One of which she’s fully responsible for and she can’t seem to get them out of.  
  
The walls he’d spent so much time on knocking down, seemed to be build up again in one weak moment, initiated by her ex and she hated the effect and power he still seemed to have over her. She understands where it comes from, understands that these walls were her coping mechanism throughout most of her marriage, and that things like this weren’t easy to fix, but still she didn’t expect being here with him now; still finding herself tangled up in the lies and deceptions of her shitty ex-husband.  
  
“Gwen, I don’t know what happened to make you change your mind like this, but please just…. Just think about this for a bit longer. Don’t walk away now.” The desperation in his voice enough to get her tears flowing steadily now.  
  
“You shouldn’t even want to be with me”, she says through her sobs.  
  
He’s determined to get a little closer this time, taking as many steps forward as she takes backwards, until she’s in arm distance. He doesn’t touch her, and she can see him psychically restraining himself from doing so. “But I do. I don’t know why you think that I shouldn’t, or why you’re suddenly so freaked out, but I do know that whatever it is, we can get through it. We can get through this, Gwen.” It was more of a question than a statement, and she hated how insecure it sounded, even though she was the one for putting them there.  
  
“We can’t”  
  
“Why not?”  
  
She knew she should just be honest with him, tell him her ex fired a bunch of nasty words her way and she let it get to her, but it all sounded so weak and pathetic to her, she couldn’t imagine what he’d think of her when she said it out loud. “You deserve better.”  
  
“So you’ve said.” He’s angry, as much as he’s sad, he’s angry too. Angry because he let himself be hopeful, he’s angry at her for making it seem so easy to let go of them and what they’ve built up together in these last months.  
  
“I….”, she drops her head, hair falling to shield her eyes as a wave of new tears blur her vision and spill down her cheek. “I love you, Blake”, she chokes out. “That’s exactly why I don’t want to be the thing holding you back. You could literally be with anyone you want, right now. Don’t waste that on me. _Please_.”  
  
“Gwen”, he reaches out for her now, the not touching thing be damned, “You are the person I want. I don’t want to be with anyone else and I know you don’t either.”  
  
She shakes her head, and swallows harshly before forcing her next words out.  
  
“I’m sorry Blake. I can’t do this. I’m so sorry.”  
  
**  
  
Watching him leave her house afterwards was one of the hardest things she ever had to watch. Every part of her wanted to run after him, grab his arm and pull him back into her, but she couldn’t. The silence that followed after he left was heavy and painful, the only positive thing about him not being in her house anymore, being the fact that she could now freely let her sobs take over her body.  
  
She tried to just go to bed and forget everything that just happened, but she couldn’t stop thinking about how she just ruined the best thing in her life, after her kids. Thinking about how confused and broken he looked as she broke things off, broke her in more ways than she imagined.  
  
Gavin always had a way of making her feel less than she was; unlovable even. His words reducing her to such a pile of insecurities, she really didn’t have the courage to let herself fall for anyone else, let alone let someone else love her.  
  
Being loved suddenly seemed like such a foreign subject, and that thought alone was enough to start up another break down. After what felt like hours, she managed to calm herself down slightly, grabbing her phone in a habit. She was so used to Blake hitting her up on her phone, that the empty display screen, was another jab to the heart.  
  
Nothing felt right. It wasn’t right. Blake was the only one who’d loved her in a way so selflessly and genuine, and she managed to push him away. She knew she was probably too late now, and the damage had already been done, but he deserved a better explanation. She couldn’t let it end like this.  
  
**  
  
“What are you doing here?” He sounds more confused than angry. His face is tired and his eyes are red, the aftermath of her running clearly visible on his features.  
  
“I’m sorry, can I come in?”  
  
They both fall into an awkward silence once she gets in. she doesn’t know where to start, all she knows is that she made a mistake and is desperate to fix it.  
  
“I saw Gavin today”, she whispered. She knew she had to elaborate some more, but just saying these words and going back over that memory, was enough to momentarily silence her again. “It didn’t go well.”  
  
She saw his eyes moving up to hers, the concern evident. She hated how selfless he was in moments like these; she shattered his heart and here he is still concerned about how the meeting with her ex went. “What happened?”  
  
“He said some things.” She didn’t say anything else, but he seemed to get it. He’s been through similar situations with his ex and she knows he can relate on a pretty even level, but somehow she felt like this would have been easier if he just snapped at her. his attentiveness making her feel even more horrible about her own cowardness.  
  
“I want you to be happy, Blake. And I want you to be happy with me, I’m just scared that I can’t be that for you and someday you’ll resent me for it”, she was crying again and all she wanted was for him to step forward and pull her into one of his tight embraces, but he kept his distance. Which she understood.  
  
“I completely understand if I’m like, too late now, but I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry, Blake. I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry for walking away.”  
  
“I don’t except you to never get insecure, Gwen”, he starts, eyes flicking back up to hers. “But I can’t force you to stay in this either. I want you, you know that.”  
  
“I want you too”, she whispered the words so softly she wasn’t sure she’d said them out loud.  
  
“Then why didn’t you just tell me you Gavin had said some things to you, to make you extra self-conscious. We could’ve just talked about it.”  
  
“I know…I…”, she took a deep breath before continuing, “I just hate how he still has this much control over me.”  
  
He finally took a step closer to her, his hand gently grabbing a hold of her arm, pulling her slightly towards him. “ _He doesn’t._ You know how I know that?”  
  
She nods.  
  
“Because you’re here now.”  
  
She’s temporarily stunned at his confidence in her, and them, even after today’s drama and she nods again, this time apologetically. Because leaving him in the dark like this was selfish and even though she’d justified it in her head, it was wrong and he deserves to know she’s just as much invested in them as he is.  
  
“No more running” she said softly, “I promise.”  
  
She can see the determination in his eyes, and she’s hit with another unexpected wave of hope. It’s going to take more than words to make this right, and it’s going to take some action to proof to him that she’s serious about no more running, but she also knows that Blake loves her, and is willing to do this her pace.

  
  
“That’s all I ever ask from you.”  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	8. Next Steps

Her heart fluttered at the sight of _them_ ; situated on the kitchen floor, Blake sprawled out on his back, his chest being used as landing field for Apollo's plane toy.   
  
It all seems too easy, _too perfect_. Almost feels like it's a risk to even look away for a fraction of time, - afraid to find out it was all a blissful dream-.   
  
_But it's not._  
  
He's still there, playing along, pretending to understand the little guy's rambling, as she occasionally watches him wince in fake terror as Apollo lowers his toy with just a little too much force.   
  
"Need some help babe?" She says the words, but stays put at the kitchen entrance nonetheless; unable to break this perfect picture up without some verbal coaxing.   
  
His low chuckle filling the room tells her he's on to her.

"I think the little guy and I got things covered", he winks.  
  
Right as the words leave his mouth, Apollo demands Blake's attention again by dropping the toy with a thud and shifting his focus to Blake's shirt and tugging a little.   
  
"What's up, buddy?"  
  
"Blakeyyyy", The toddler nearly yells as he positions himself on top of Blake, his small hand going to his left ear. In one swift motion Blake grabs at his sides and gently placed him on his back next to him, tickling him until he had the toddler in a fit of giggles. "Stop, stop!"  
  
Gwen was still watching the whole scene in front of her play out, until she couldn't help herself and walked up to her two boys, sitting down next to them. She shoots Blake a soft smile, while gently stroking a hand through his hair. Her heart is so full of love and gratitude for this man, she just _has_ to touch him in some way.   
  
"Look", Apollo's voice is loud in his ears, " _LOOK_." He followed the little kid's gaze back to his toy and a small smile appeared on Blake's face; due to his rather rough handling of the little, plastic plane, one of the wings was now slightly bend.   
  
Gwen reaches over Blake to catch Apollo's attention, while holding her hand out. "Here, let me help, baby boy."   
  
"No, Blakey!"   
  
"Good choice, bud."

Gwen playfully nudges his side, pretending to be offended. "I see I've been completely replaced."  
  
Blake hasn’t been spending time with her kids yet, aside from the couple times they’ve seen him on the set of the Voice, but Apollo has been clinging to Blake ever since he started spending time with him today. She knows Blake always wanted kids, and having this new family to call his, is the most important thing to him, but she still managed to convince herself that at some point it would be too much. _They_ would be too much.   
  
She's gotten so used to having to fight for attention during her marriage; fight for the simple things she always imagined having, that having someone who visibly enjoys spending time with her and her kids feels like an estranged concept.   
  
Blake must've realized she spaced off there for a minute, because he gently brings a hand to her cheek, getting her attention. "Everything okay, baby?"  
  
Another thing she's still getting used to: _his attentiveness_.

She knows she's an emotional woman; she feels deeply and she's not good at hiding the emotions that bubble up because of it. Regardless, Blake had never made her feel stupid or "overly-sensitive" for it. He actually encourages her to let it out, and so she does.   
  
"Yeah babe, it's just...", she feels her eyes well up and she shoots Blake a soft smile just in case he's getting worried, "It just makes me emotional to see how good you are with him."   
  
"With all of them, by the way." She adds, as she thinks back on how impressed Zuma and Kingston had been after meeting him on set.  
  
"They're amazing kids, babe. They definitely get that from you."  
  
Hearing these words, makes her miss her babies even more as she wishes they could just have a family night with all the kids together. Unfortunately, Gavin officially had the kids and Apollo was only here, because Gavin called her up last night, begging her to come pick him up since he’d gotten sick.  
  
It’s crazy how fast the tides changed though; a couple days ago she was terrified to spend time with Blake and her kids together, and now it’s all she can think about.  
  
“It really means a lot to see you handle this so well. I know you didn’t expect to have Apollo here and you probably had plans for just the two of us.” She couldn’t help the insecurity that was deeply rooted in her voice. “ _I’m sorry_.”  
  
“I’m not.” His sincere voice follows right away. “Hey babe, look at me.”  
  
She looks down at him, as he flashes her his dimples and pulls her closer to him.

“Gwen, I knew what I signed up for when we started dating. I know they’re your number one priority. You never have to feel bad about that. Besides, I love spending time with the little guy”, he adds while briefly shifting his attention back to Apollo.  
  
“I love you so much, Blake.”  
  
**

  
“We don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”  
  
Her hands were tightly clenched together, as she forced a soft smile on her face. She’s used to Blake always being attentive to her feelings, so she’s not surprised he’s willing to skip out on this dinner with his sister.  
  
It’s just after she almost broke things off due to getting scared and the amazing way he’d handled Apollo a couple weeks ago, she really wants to show him she’s serious too and it’s not like she’s having dinner with his mother…  
  
“No Blake, I want to go. I’m just a little bit nervous, that’s all.”

He walks up behind her, as she feels him place both hands on her side, pulling her against his chest. “You don’t have to be. She’ll love you.”  
  
She turns around in his arms, so she can face him and she doesn’t know how he does it, but somehow he manages to erase some of her worst nerves just by looking at her the way he does. “I know how much your family means to you, Blake. And I also know that you would be 100% willing to cancel this dinner, even though you’ve got this planned for weeks.”  
  
“A plan you didn’t know about until yesterday”, he retorts.  
  
“Because Gavin and I changed weekends and you thought I’d have the kids.”

She knows he’s probably stressing out about freaking her out again and she gets it. She triggered the fears his ex-wife installed in him by running like she did, so all she can do is reassure him now.  
  
“Yes, it is a bit short notice, but I really want to meet her and it’s not like your sister comes to L.A every day. Besides, if she’s _anything_ like you, I have nothing to worry about.”  
  
She watches him process her words, and once he does, his lips are on hers; gentle but deliberate. Her hands fly up this neck as he pulls her even closer against him; all the while their tongues softly battle each other. It takes them a couple minutes to pull away, and Gwen shyly smiles up at him when they do.  
  
“We should probably go”, she says slightly out of breath, “I don’t want to make a bad impression on your sister by showing up late with you.”  
  
He chuckles lowly at her words, and gently cups her cheek. She knows she’s probably looking nervous, - or maybe it was her voice that gave her away again-, and she wishes she was better at maintaining a poker face. She wants Blake to be able to enjoy this evening, without having to worry about her internally freaking out.  
  
Yet, the way he holds her and looks at her, make it seem like he doesn’t care about all of that. He wants her to be happy and comfortable and it shows in all that he does for her. As long as he’s fine with giving her that extra bit of reassurance sometimes, she’s more than happy to receive it.  


“Trust me baby, you have nothing to worry about.”  
  
**

She holds onto Blake’s hand as tightly as possible as they enter the restaurant together. It’s a cute place; not too crowded and pretty laid back, which helps her calm down a little. She feels him gently squeeze her hand as he leads her to their table.  
  
When they arrive, his sister is already standing there and immediately brings Blake in for a hug. She takes a small step back to take in the cute moment, before Endy pulls away and brings her gaze up to Gwen, reaching her arms out.  
  
“Oh my god, come here Gwen! I’ve heard so much about you.”  
  
She’s not surprised to learn that his whole family has this Southern hospitality that she appreciates so much; she definitely knows where Blake gets it from. Their hug lasts for quite a while and she feels like his sister might’ve needed it just as much as she did.  
  
“It’s such a pleasure to meet you”, Endy says as she withdraws from their hug.  
  
“The pleasure is all mine.”  
  
As they all get situated, the evening plays out pretty much like Blake had told her; Endy and her got along great and it was truly magical to feel like she _belonged_ here; this was the sense of family and hospitality that she always seemed to miss.  
  
His sister is getting carried away in telling Gwen all kinds of embarrassing stories involving Blake, which results in him shooting her a couple nervous, yet amusing looks, and her heart is so full.

The love and admiration she feels for this man are almost mind-blowing and she’s suddenly reminded again of how she almost lost him.  
  
Blake must’ve picked up on her change of posture, because he nudges her softly, as he takes hold of her hand underneath the table. She can physically feel herself relax at his soft touch, and she’s once again beyond thankful for his attentiveness.  
  
She doesn’t exactly know how long they’ve been at the restaurant, but she’s exhausted by the time they make plans to leave. “Hey babe, I need to go use the restroom real’ quick. You’re gonna be alright?”  
  
She chuckles at his words, before placing a soft peck on his lips, - just for being adorable-.  
  
As soon as he’s out of sight, his sister pulls her aside and brings her in for another hug. “I’m so happy he’s found you, Gwen.”  
  
She doesn’t know what to say right away, instead she just holds onto Endy a little bit longer.

“I’ve never seen him this happy in love before, _ever_.” His sister adds.  
  
Gwen takes some time to swallow the lump in her throat before finally finding some words to answer her with. “I’m pretty sure I’m the lucky one here.”  
  
“I’m serious, Gwen. He’s been through the ringer in his previous marriage, it literally dimmed the light in his eyes. _You_ brought that back.”  
  
She feels tears on her cheek, despite the smile on her lips.

“I just want to make him happy.”  
  
“And you do.”  
  
Before she has time to react, she feels two strong hands on her hips as Blake places a soft kiss on the top of her head.

“I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”  
  
“We were just saying how much fun we’ve had tonight, cowboy.” She can tell he’s not completely buying her story, but he smiles at the two women in front of him, nonetheless.  
  
She knows he’s probably curious as to what they were talking about and she’s pretty sure she’ll give him a fairly detailed description of it later tonight, but right now all she wants is to take him home and hold him close.  
  
When she’s laying in bed with him that night, their hands intertwined on her stomach, she almost gets emotional over how right this all feels; how waking up with him next to her is a normality now, _her reality_.  


And that’s really what her dreams are these days.  
  
  
**  
  
  
  
  
  



	9. Family Kinda Guy

**  
  
She’s waking up with his arms protectively draped around her chest and his head leaning softly against her shoulder. She still isn’t used to her kids not being with her half of the time, but on mornings like this, it’s at least bearable. Any excuse to stay in bed like this for a little while longer, sounds like a great plan.  
  
She softly runs her fingers up and down his arm, just enough pressure to realize it’s real ( _she’s not dreaming, this is actually her life now_ ), but gentle enough so it wouldn’t wake him. She has to suppress the urge to kiss him awake though as he softly mumbles something inaudible and unconsciously pulls her closer against him; his arms tightening around her.  
  
Dinner with his sister last night, went much better than she envisioned it would and she can’t help but feel a little emotional as she thinks back to how supportive and patient Blake had been with her. She knows she gets anxious quickly, -especially when it’s about his family-, and she has a lot of insecurities she’s still working through, yet Blake never makes her feel crazy feel for it. The minute they came home from the restaurant, she made her way into his arms, face deeply nuzzled into his chest, as she told him about how grateful and lucky she felt for having his family embrace her the way they did. She’d told him about the conversation she and Endy had when he’d excused himself and about how his presence alone manages to be her solitude. Blake didn’t say much, mostly just listened and Gwen still wasn’t sure how Blake always seemed to perfectly understand what she needed most in those moments.  
  
When her rambling was over and she was sure she got everything off her chest, she insisted he’d make love to her, which he happily complied to. He took his time worshipping her, as he left not a single part of her body unmarked. She already knows how kissing Blake literally feels like something spiritual, but she sometimes still feels unprepared for the intensity and pleasure she feels when they make love; the way his lips feel against her neck, or the soft tickle of breath against her cheek as he whispers gentle encouragements. Two orgasms later, they both somewhat passed out, Blake almost on top of her, which is how she finds him now.  
  
He still hadn’t woken up and as much as she wants to bask in the cuteness of watching Blake Shelton sound asleep against her in this almost childlike manner, selfishly she already misses him, which causes her to softly run a hand through his morning curls, until he slowly but surely stirs awake.  
  
“ _Mmhm babe”._  
  
She chuckles softly, as her hand makes it up to his face, resting against his cheek. “Sorry for waking you baby. I miss you”, she whined.  
  
“I’m right here, baby.”  
  
The fatigue and the fact that he’s mumbling, makes his accent almost too thick to understand, and she smiles softly. “I know you are.”  
  
He places a soft kiss on her shoulder before looking up, making eye contact for the first time that morning. A small smile formed on his lips, and he answered her before she could even ask.  
  
“I just feel so lucky to have you be the first thing I see when I wake up.”  
  
She shakes her head softly, unable to form any words, because yes she’s emotional and her voice definitely won’t work with her. Blake didn’t seem to expect a response though as he moved up and placed a quick kiss on her lips, lingering just a little bit longer, to see her face lit up with a shy smile, before laying back down.  
  
“How long have you been awake for?”  
  
“A while.”  
  
He looks at her worried then and she shakes her head. “No, not like that”, she starts. “I actually slept really well. I just woke up early and then I saw you still sound asleep and you just looked too adorable to wake”, she smiles.  
  
“You _did_ wake me.”  
  
She laughs then, playfully slapping his arm. “ _After_ I let you sleep.”  
  
He sits up a little then, repositioning them so she’s the one who gets to lean on him, and they stay cuddled up like that for what feels like hours. It’s a weird feeling to finally realize that she’d be perfectly content with doing that for the rest of her life, as long as it are his arms she’s laying in.  
  
_Content_ was never a word she could relate to; she even went as far as believing that the whole meaning of the word was just a made-up concept that no one ever experiences. To have that feeling now, -at 46-, after spending two decades trying desperately to be enough for someone who didn’t appreciate her, was almost as surreal as finding Blake in the first place.  
  
“What are you thinking about, darling?”

His eyes are staring intensely at her, and she has to momentarily look away so she could answer him (it really was way too easy for her to get lost in his clear blue eyes).  
  
“I’m just thinking about how good this feels. You and me, I mean.”  
  
She knows that saying these words are a big deal, since she has been the one doing most of the running. She also knows that she hasn’t said it before, - at least not like this-, and judging by the look on his face, he definitely feels the impact of her words.  
  
“ _Wow_ , Gwen. I can’t even tell you how good it feels to hear those words.” His voice was soft and she hated to detect it, but maybe even a hint of insecurity. Like he didn’t expect to hear those words from her yet, and as much as she understands it; it also breaks her heart.  
  
“I should’ve said it before.”  
  
He nudges her gently, capturing her lips with his as soon as she looks up. “No you shouldn’t have. You said it when you felt it.”  
  
Missing his lips and the feel of his tongue on hers already, she moves to straddle him in one quick move, and plants both hands firmly on both cheeks.  
  
“You’re wrong. I felt it for a while now.”  
  
**  
  
The sound of chaos and high-pitched voices fills the house and she didn’t realize how much she missed that, until she has her three rascals running around everywhere. Blake and her both agreed that it’d probably be best if he wasn’t there when they came home; acclimation of some sorts.  
  
She wanted Blake to spend more time with her children, especially since it was clear this thing between them wasn’t just some temporarily fix, but she wanted to do it gradually.  
  
Having any man in the house that wasn’t their father was never her plan and she still catches herself feeling guilty every time she contemplates having Blake over when the kids are home. Seeing him interact with Apollo a couple weeks ago, had been an eye-opener though; he can definitely handle the interaction and it won’t make him run like she convinced herself of before.  
  
“Zuma! Be careful with your brother.”

She turns her back for a couple seconds and Zuma and her youngest are tangled up in a fake wrestling-match, while her oldest seems unbothered by it all.  
  
She loves this life though. Always knew she would. Being a mom is probably one of the very few things she never had doubts about. Having a big family, sharing all the love in her heart with her kids, she always knew that was supposed to happen. She knew Gavin would make a great father, great _hus_ \---“, …. well at least one of those things turned out be true.  
  
“I swear it wasn’t me” she hears Zuma say before Apollo breaks out in loud sobs. She counted down to this moment, really.  
  
She sighs deeply before scooping her youngest up in her arms, brushing some strands of hair out of his face as she softly caresses his tears-stained cheek. “This is what happens, baby.”  
  
Between juggling a crying Apollo, trying to keep her two older sons busy, and take care of the mess they managed to make of the house for the short amount of time they’ve been back here, she completely forgets to text Blake, like she promised she would before he left.  
  
It takes about half an hour after that, to get Apollo tucked into bed for a little nap and for Zuma and Kingston to finally calm down and settle in front of the TV.

She lets out a relieved sigh at things finally being less chaotic, as she grabs her phone and sees Blake already beat her to sending the first text.  
  
**Did they kill you? Should I send help? –B**  
  
**You’re so silly. Gx**  
  
She smiles at her phone and it feels nothing short of juvenile, the way she’s literally waiting for his next text to come in.  
  
**You love it ;) –B**  
  
And she does. She loves everything about him, about the way he makes her feel. She suddenly can’t wait any longer; her kids seem to love Blake if the amount of times they’d bring him up in a day was any indication and Blake seemed to love the idea of spending more time with her kids too.  
  
Making her way to Kingston and Zuma on the couch, she gets their attention by momentarily blocking the view to whatever they were watching, gaining a few grunts and ‘ _hey mom’s!’._  
  
“I know, I know”, she chuckles, throwing her hands up. “I need you guys to listen to me for a second. I want to ask you guys something important.”  
  
Their attention peaked now, as two pair of eyes looked at her expectantly.  
  
“Would you guys like it if I invited Blake over for dinner tonight?” She sounded calm saying the words, but inside she could feel her stomach doing cartwheels.  
  
“ _That_ was it?” Zuma asked bewildered.  
  
“Mom, we already know you and Blake are dating”, Kingston chimes in.  
  
She looks at them wide-eyed, trying to find the right words to handle this situation with. “Oh…Uhm we…. how would you guys feel about that?”  
  
“We love Blake. He seems nice.”  
  
“Does this mean we’ll get to ride horses again?”  
  
She chuckles, relieved that the questions she’s getting aren’t as deep as she predicted they’d be; she definitely imagined this moment to be a lot heavier.  
  
“I’m sure we can work something out with Blake”, she says. “I just want to make sure you guys are okay with spending some more time with Blake here around the house.”  
  
“Do we have to keep him a secret from dad?” her oldest asks cautiously.  
  
The thought of her kids worrying about something like that, is enough to break her heart all over again. Fighting to keep it together, not wanting to fall apart in front of her kids, she forces a small smile on her face. “No baby. If you want to tell your dad about it, that’s okay. If you feel better about not doing so, that’s okay too. You guys can’t do anything wrong in this.”  
  
Her small speech seems to have the desired effect on her kids, as they both seemingly seem to relax. “I think it’d be super fun if he came over tonight”, Zuma said.  
  
Sometimes she forgot how her babies literally aren’t baby’s anymore, and seemed to understand things better than she could have ever imagined. If that realization alone isn’t enough to make her tear up, the ‘ _I just want you to be happy’_ from Kingston, sure does the trick. She hugs them both because she’s overflowing with love for them and so she can hide the few tears that escape her eyes. The moment seems to end abruptly as the television blares to life again and she takes that as her cue to get back to Blake.  
  
**Do you have anything to do tonight? Gx**  
  
She’s pretty sure he doesn’t, if she weren’t so insecure still, she would say that maybe he’s even waiting for this silent invitation, but she won’t let herself go there just yet.  
  
**Besides missing you? Not really. –B**  
  
**Come over for dinner pls. Gx  
**   
Her phone rings only seconds later and Blake’s voice sounds as happy and shocked as hers did only a couple minutes ago. After a few ‘are you sure?’ and ‘really’s’, and a short version of events on Gwen’s part, he’s making his way over and she’s pretty sure this is what happiness feels like.  
  
**  
  
She’s never been a great cook. It doesn’t take much self-reflection to figure that out, but she can’t bring herself to care in this moment. Not when she has the sweet ramblings of Apollo accompanying her from behind her in his high chair, and the sound of Blake, Zuma and Kingston joking around on the couch.  
  
“Mom said that we could come ride horses at your place, like actual cowboys”, Kingston said excitedly.  
  
“She did, huh?” Blake chuckled.  
  
“YES!”  
  
One of Blake’s booming laughs filled the room and Gwen didn’t know how much she’d missed the sound already until she heard it again ( _god, she’s whipped_ ).  
  
“I would love to have you guys there.” Blake’s sincere reply came.  
  
Somewhere along the conversation between Blake and her kids, Gwen had zoned out and she wasn’t brought back until she felt his breath on her neck, his nose brushing against the soft skin there. “I missed you.”  
  
A broad smile nearly split her face, as she lifted her right hand around his neck, looking up to him. “I missed you too, cowboy.”  
  
She turned the stove off, to turn around so both of her arms came around his neck. His arms were firmly planted on her hips, just beneath her shirt, causing some of his fingers to trace along some bare skin underneath. She felt shivers already (damnit, the things he made her feel without even trying).  
  
“I’m sorry about telling Kingston I wanted them on the ranch. I didn’t mean to overstep, he just seemed really excited and…”-  
  
“- Don’t apologize, Blake. You did awesome.”  
  
He looked at her with raised eyebrows, his fingers now nervously tracing patterns on her shirt. “You think so?”  
  
The way he asked her sounded so endearing, she had to fight the urge to make out with him right then and there, but she knew these insecurities were serious and she had three very attentive boys watching, so she settled for the right thing.  
  
“You’re so naturally good with them, baby. They’ve been so excited to see you, like I can’t believe how much they like you already!”  
  
“I mean he did say you told him they could come ride horses with me”, he chuckled in response.  
  
“Technically not what I said”, she laughed, “But if you’re okay with us coming over there, I definitely won’t oppose.”  
  
His eyes were brimming with hope and love and it made her feel a kind of warm inside, she hadn’t felt before. He stole a quick kiss from her when he was sure the kids weren’t looking and she playfully pushed him away after stealing one herself.  
  
Dinner with Blake and the kids went as chaotic and beautiful as she hoped it would; Kingston wouldn’t stop interrogation Blake about his ranch and ‘way of living’, while Zuma took it upon himself to bring the jokes (clearly Gwen wasn’t the only one who liked to impress Blake) and Apollo was almost too hyper to stay seated properly, which caused Gwen to go into strict mother-mode a time or two, but it all felt right.  
  
She finally had Blake alone for a little bit when the kids went to bed, and she found herself tangled up with him on the couch; her feet curled up underneath her, head resting against his shoulder, while one of her hands was placed securely on his chest. The rapid rising and falling of his chest beneath her hand, spiked her attention.  
  
“What are you feeling?”  
  
She could tell his mind was working in overdrive and it took him a while before he answered her question. His eyes were soft and she went as far as thinking he might even teared up a little bit.  
  
“This is just…”, he took a deep breath, “I never thought I’d be a part of something like this.”  
  
His voice sounded so much more fragile than usual, it caused her to look up. “Something _like what_ , babe?”  
  
“A family.”  
  
She knows about Blake’s children wish and how that became a problem later in his marriage with Miranda. It was also something that fed into her fears of starting anything with him, since it was pretty clear she wouldn’t be able to grand his wish either (not anymore at least). He’d promised her that it wouldn’t be a problem though and the way he was with her kids, was all the proof she needed to perceive that statement to be true. They didn’t need to biologically have children together for Blake to be part of the family; _he already was_.  
  
“We are so lucky, Blake.”  
  
He chuckled lowly, his hand pressing her closer against him like she might float away if he didn’t. “I think you got this the other way around, darlin’.”  
  
_“I don’t_ ”, she shot back immediately. “Blake, you have to see the way their faces literally lit up whenever they talk to you! That’s like the greatest gift I could ever ask for as a mom. And let’s not even get started on all the things you’ve done for me.”  
  
She knows they’ve both been through the wringer in their past relationships, and Blake’s insecurities are almost as deeply rooted as hers, but the thought of someone like Blake second guessing his worth and lovability was almost too much for her to handle.  
  
“I’m just not really used to hanging out with kids, especially not yours and…. god Gwen, I just really don’t want to mess things up. I _can’t_ mess this up.”  
  
“You won’t”, she whispered. “I don’t even think that’s possible.”  
  
They didn’t talk much after that. They just spent the rest of the night holding each other, stealing a few kisses here and there, until the exhaustion of the day caught up with them both.  
  
He didn’t leave like usual, she let him stay the night for the first time since the kids were home too and there were no doubts. No fears.  
  
  
  
  
_Something about this just feels so right_.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	10. Home

_She trusts him_.

She still finds herself tangled up under the covers, unable to sleep. Her mind going a million miles per minute; she’s here, he’s there and it stresses her out.

She knows he needs to get away from the city life sometimes and trades in the family life he has here with Gwen and the boys, for the blessed woods and hunting rivals,

But something is different now.

When he first told her about attending the CMT’s, -held in Nashville-, he made sure she realized she was more than welcome if she wanted to come along, but there was also no pressure and he’d completely understand if it were ‘too soon’.

She wanted to say yes; wanted to show up on his arm, tell the whole world he’s hers and watch him win over everyone in the room. _But she couldn’t_. This was his night, country music is his life. His love -life with her wasn’t about to overshadow that. Besides, she really wasn't ready for that annoucement to the world yet.

He’d been keeping her updated ever since he landed and arrived at his hotel; he’s missing her already and while some people might say he’s too whipped, she’s primarily happy and relieved she’s not the only one.

Her phone is becoming her life line every time Blake’s away from her and she’s okay with that, really. She hates being apart from him, and Blake feeling the same way about her, makes her embrace that fact wholeheartedly.

All the knowledge in the world, couldn’t’ keep her from worrying though. He was at a place with a life style much more similar to his (especially in contrast with her here in la.), he’s about to experience an important milestone in his carrier and she’s not by his side to witness it (which is completely on her, but maybe she made the wrong call??) and as much as she tried to not think about it too much; he’s also attending an award show where his ex will be too.

_He only has eyes for her._

He says it all the time. The way he looks at her like she hung the moon, tells more than words ever could. But still...

Miranda and him have history. He loved her. She also knows him for far longer than Gwen has (gosh, she still can’t believe she didn’t know Blake Shelton existed in the world until season 7 of the Voice), and for some reason it’s enough to spike some jealousy; she often wishes she would’ve met him sooner.

She doesn’t know why her mind needs to go there, tonight of all nights, but she’s overthinking again and the fear of losing Blake to someone more ‘like him’ while he’s off to the South somewhere, seems to be a hard one to get rid of.

The actual award show ceremony is tomorrow, and as much as she wants to call him up right now to hear his voice and maybe even get as far as voicing her insecurities, she wants Blake to fully enjoy his time there and not feel burdened by her irrational fears.

Knowing she won’t be able to get any sleep without at least reaching out again, she settles for one more text for the night;

_Going to sleep, cause I miss you. I can’t wait for you to kick some ass tomorrow! Don’t forget about me please. Gx_

**

He knew he had to plan this right, for it to work efficiently, but all the planning in the world would be worth it, if it meant getting to spend more time with his girlfriend.

He realized after her text last night, that she probably was battling some insecurities again and the _“I could never!_ ” he’d sent her only minutes after her last text, wasn’t going to be enough.

If there won’t be any delays tonight, he definitely should be able to leave right after receiving his ‘Artist of The Year Award”, which meant he could be back at her place in la somewhere at midnight.

He hadn’t been too excited about going this year anyways; the news of his divorce still fresh and the way politics seemed to rule in country music nowadays way too obvious. He didn’t resent Gwen for not wanting to tag along this time, but it sure didn’t make him any more excited about the prospect.

Getting to spend time with Gwen and the boys had showed him what’s most important, in a way he hasn’t experienced before. All the money and awards in the world couldn’t possibly give him the same feeling as the euphoric one he has when he’s spending time with his family.

_His family_.

It still feels too surreal to say out loud sometimes. He’s grateful for everything he’s been able to achieve in his carrier so far, but he’s even more grateful for the family he gets to come home to, when he catches that flight tonight.

**

The whole day has been a blur to her; studio session, dropping her kids off at their dad’s, a few phone interviews that have her feeling drained, and now coming home to her empty mansion again, when all she feels like is being held by a certain cowboy.

It’s crazy really how fast Blake managed to become this important to her; she never imagined that those late-night bar meetings would result in something that might be the most beautiful thing in her life (after her kids ofcourse).

The downside of having something so beautiful with him, is the way she misses him like she’s missing a limb whenever he’s not there. She doesn’t want to bother him too much and she really doesn’t want her clinginess to eventually scare him away, but her heart is yearning for him like she hasn’t quite experienced before.

Watching him on a television surely isn’t the same thing as having him here and it won’t do much to help her get rid of missing him, but she isn’t going to miss him being his royal self at a country award show. The way she’s settled in front of the TV, -an hour before the show starts-, makes her chuckle at herself; she has it so bad for him.

_Can’t wait to see you. Even if it’s just on my television screen. Gx_

Her fingers typed the message and hit send before she could stop herself and her heart fluttered when her phone lit up with his caller ID, literally seconds later.

“ _Oh my god_ , I miss you”, she murmured into the phone as soon as she picked up.

She could hear him chuckle lowly, “I miss you too, baby. You should come with me next time, they’re all asking about ya.”

His words leave her momentarily stunned, because no one knows about their relationship yet (at least not publicly) and the thought of Blake being in Nashville, bragging about his anonymous girlfriend sends lightning bolts straight to her heart.

“They’re asking about me?” The question comes out as a small whisper.

“Well, technically they can’t, cause they don’t know your name”, he jokes. “But yeah, I guess it’s not hard for people to notice how I’m in such a better place already, _y’know_.”

The way he can go from playful to completely heartfelt is truly an art and she already finds herself getting emotional. She really needs Blake to be here and she wills back the tears threatening to fall, as she intends on making good on her promise to not ruin his night.

“I can’t wait to come with you next time.”

She wants to kick herself for sounding so nonchalant, but fighting back tears and talking at the same time isn’t one of her strengths.

“Everything okay, baby?”

It’s not surprising to her that Blake realized something was up, but she mentally kicks herself for not being able to hide it better. She lets out a few breathy sobs and when his gentle ‘ _hey Gwen, talk to me_ ’ comes through, she stops fighting it all together.

“It’s nothing bad, I promise”, she whispers hoarsely, “I just really miss you and not being there at such an important night for you isn’t setting right with me. I should be there.” _You should be here. We should be together._ Her mind is rambling and her thoughts are scattered. All that’s clear is that they’re apart and she hates it.

“Hey, listen to me, beautiful.” It’s crazy how the use of pet names already manages to be enough for her to crack a smile. “We agreed on taking things slow and not putting too much pressure on this. I know you’re here for me, Gwen. You don’t have to be at every award show to prove it. You make me happy, Gwen Renée Stefani. _So_ happy.”

She didn’t intend to cry at his words, but the gentleness of which he said them and the sincerity pouring off every word; she didn’t stand a chance.

“Wow Blake. I don’t even know what to say”, she manages to get out.

It’s silent for a little while and she knows he’s giving her some time to fully comprehend what he just told her, so he can be 100% sure she heard him.

He’s always attentive to her emotions and she didn’t realize how much she needed that until she found him. Never before did she feel like her feelings were taken as seriously and into consideration, the way he does and it was just one of those things she had given up on ever finding.

“I don’t know how you do it.” She blurts out after getting her emotions under at least some control.

“Do what?” He asks slightly confused.

“Knowing exactly what I need in these kinda moments.”

It’s a thank you laced in admiration and she knows she doesn’t have to elaborate on it any further, for him to get it.

“I got you, Gwen. Just like I know you got me. It’s been like that from the very beginning, that’s why opening to you came so easy for me.”

It’s true. The booze, the intoxication that played part in their earlier conversations wasn’t used to open them up more. It was used to lessen the burn and sting behind the words they knew were getting spoken every time they met up.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” He says the words and she believes them. She allows herself to bask in that feeling for a couple seconds, before speaking up again.

“Not to ruin this moment or anything, but don’t you have a very important show to attend to?”

She wants to keep talking to him forever, but she knows he has obligations.

“I guess you’re right”, he chuckles. “I still have about 5 minutes, though.”

She laughs at him then, because she’s definitely not the only one who’s desperate.

“I can’t talk to you for another 5 minutes”, she laughs. “My ability to hang up this phone won’t expand that long.”

It’s his turn to laugh and the sound fills her with a warmth only Blake can provide.

“I’ll text you later, okay?”

“Okay.”

When the line disconnects, she immediately crawls under the covers as she grabs the remote control and unmutes the television. She realizes this is about to be the first time she watches a country award show. The amount of firsts she’s experiencing at 46, is truly astonishing.

**

She stirs awake around 3 in the morning. The sounds of a little commotion outside her doorstep enough to spike her curiosity. It’s the way too familiar sound of his shoes that have her sitting upright in her bed.

Not even giving him any time to announce his presence, she jumps out of bed (where she got the energy from at 3 AM was a mystery to her) and grabs the nearest robe from her bedroom wall to cover herself with.

The door swings open with maybe a little too much force, but she can’t help it. The excitement and confusion both too much to handle.

Blake’s face is lit up by a wide grin as soon as she looks up at him, and she lets herself fall against him, causing him to stumble back with an _umf_.

“What are you doing here?” the words are mumbled into his shirt and she’s not even sure he’s heard it.

He doesn’t answer until he’s gently manoeuvred the both of them inside the house, shutting the door behind her. Gwen hadn’t let go of him once and he chuckled at how endearing she looked.

“Well, I was missing my girl and just couldn’t wait to get home.”

Her breath caught in her throat at hearing him refer to her as ‘home’ and she had to look at him in that moment.

“ _ohmygod_ please kiss me.”

He didn’t wait for her to ask him a second time as his lips covered hers firmly; his grip tightening on her back, pulling her even closer against him. She was gripping his shirt tightly in a fist, enjoying how her small frame felt pressed against his broad chest.

The moment her lips slightly parted, Blake took the opportunity to slip his tongue in, going back and forth between soft bites at her lips and smoothing them over with his tongue. It wasn’t necessarily gentle. It was desperate, needy, _lustful_.

She heard him groan into their kiss and before she even knew what was happening, he’d picked her up and walked them to her bedroom. His strong hands were feeling her up as her back hit the matrass and after what felt like hours of passionate love making, she found herself curled up against his side; still slightly panting, attempting to catch her breathe.

“How did you get here so soon?” her voice still hoarse.

“I left right after they gave me the award.”

“You know, I watched the whole thing. You could’ve told me you’d left right at the beginning.” She said playfully.

He looked at her in surprise. “You watched the whole thing?”

“I mean I didn’t know if you were supposed to make another appearance or not.” She suddenly felt insecure; was it too much?

His surprise turned into amusement and he smiled brightly at her. “I love you so much, Gwen.”

 

“I’m just glad you’re home.”

 

**


	11. Emotions

She takes her time in the kitchen. She's never been good at this part, but she's willing to risk disaster in the name of good intentions. Blake literally hopped on a plane just to be with her, the least she can do is bring him some breakfast in bed.  
  
It's hard to focus on what she's preparing, when her mind keeps going back to the cowboy laying in her bed. Life definitely didn't work out the way she thought it would, but panic had turned into hope and _maybe_ , just maybe it was always supposed to be better.   
  
Carefully walking into her bedroom, with the tray securely placed in her hands, she softly sets it down on the nightstand as she watches him still deep in slumber. She almost doesn’t want to wake him; the way he looks so peaceful and almost child-like is enough for her chest to explode. Realizing she just spent a fair amount of time in the kitchen to come up with something close to presentable, she softly nudges him awake.   
  
"Blake, baby", she whispers, " _Wake up_." Her sweet voice pulls him out of his slumber and his eyes lit up at the sight of her hovering over him slightly. The adoration in his eyes do wonders for her confidence.  
  
"Morning darling'"   
  
She shifts so she's sitting next to him, as she brings the tray of food down onto her lap. His eyebrows raise as he smirks at her. " _You_ made breakfast”, he states playfully.  
  
"I promise it's safe." She knows he's just kidding, but she can't help but feel some old insecurities creep up and her voice probably gave her away. She awkwardly shifts, trying to advert her eyes from his, suddenly embarrassed about how sensitive she just got.  
  
"I know. I was just joking, Gwen. Thank you for this."

His voice was gentle and almost a little apologetic. She didn't answer, just nodded her head and she couldn't stop her mind from going to a dark place. Blake seemed to notice as his voice brought her back moments later.  
  
"What's going on Gwen, where did you go?"  
  
It's crazy to her Blake's still willing to deal with all her crazy and she's getting frustrated with herself for her inability to make things easy. She doesn’t want to push him away or scare him with her intense feelings, but she literally just can’t seem to help herself sometimes.

"I'm sorry", she breathes. "God, I'm such a mess." Her eyes are filling up quickly and her heart rate is skyrocketing.  
  
He's moving so he's sitting upright next to her and gently grabs the tray out of her lap to place it back on the nightstand; his arm coaxing her to look at him. "Talk to me."  
  
What was supposed to be a relaxed, cute morning, turned out to be something much heavier and she lets out a quiet sob. Is she really that messed up? Apparently. "I just want things to be easy", she whispers.  
  
"I don't need easy."  
  
She knows he means well, but the words make her flinch and her body has a will of its own, as it starts to shake; her feelings suddenly reaching a boiling point.  
  
" _You think loving me is hard_."  
  
It's her biggest fear; being a liability to him. Him being her source of energy, while all she does is drain him. She doesn’t know how to keep parts of herself hidden very well, she doesn’t know what it’s like not to be fully committed to someone, she doesn’t know how not to be too much for someone and God forbid she’ll be too much for Blake one day.   
  
"Gwen, that's absolutely not...-"  
  
-"You're going to resent me", she interrupts abruptly, "Loving me is what's going to drain you and then the only selfless thing to do for me, is letting you go and I don’t know if I’ll be able to do that”, she’s rambling.   
  
Love has always been what drives her, what motivates her, what _kills_ her. She loves hard, always loves harder than the other person, causing her to walk away from heartbreak more shattered, more broken; because she never quite learns to live with the pieces she's never getting back. She doesn't know she's sobbing, until Blake's holding her close against his chest, whispering some _shushing_ noises.   
  
"Gwen, I need you to listen to what I'm gonna say. Really listen. Can you do that for me?"   
  
She nods against his chest, unable to talk through her sobs. Her body is violently shaking against Blake’s and she isn't sure what set this huge breakdown off, but she knows for a fact she wouldn't know what to do if she didn't have Blake to cling to.  
  
"Loving you is the easiest thing I've ever done", he starts softly. "Being with you is easy. But it's not easy because our situations are, or because we as people are, Gwen. It's easy because it's right. It's easy because no matter what the circumstances, I still love you as effortlessly as it was to fall for you." Not wanting to interrupt his beautiful words, she tries to hold in her sobs, causing her body to tremble. "It's okay, let it out."  
  
And she does. And he waits.  
  
"When I said I didn't need easy, I was referring to you not needing to be perfect. You don't have to always be your best, because I'll love you just as easily when you're not."  
  
Gavin loved her when he didn't have her. He loved the process of getting her, but once he had her, the excitement wore off. He saw something in her that disappeared when they got together and she needs Blake to be different.   
  
She sniffs a couple times before reacting. "I just get so scared sometimes. Scared you'll stop seeing me the way you do now."   
  
"I love you forever, sweetheart. That's a promise I'm gonna keep good on."  
  
***  
  
They managed to pry themselves out of bed later and took their rising desires and intense emotions with them to the shower. The way he makes her body feel, is beyond any expectations she might’ve had. What started out as a deep make-out session, turned into having her back pressed against the wet, shower wall as he slid into her as slowly as possible; making sure all her nerve endings were on fire. The time he took marking her neck, her breast and the slightly painful, - but equally delicious-, lip bites, were enough to make her forget about everything else.  
  
About two orgasms later, they dragged themselves out of there, into the living room. After their intense morning, they both seemed to cling to each other a little bit more. She didn’t know whether it was the time away from each other, that made him a bit more hands-on, or if her breakdown from earlier has something to do with it, but his quick touches don’t go unnoticed.  
  
She feels him come up behind her as she makes them some coffee, her body trapped between his and the kitchen counter and she has to fight to maintain focus. His hands gently tossed her hair over one shoulder, leaving her neck available for a series of light kisses. “I love you”, he whispers against her skin. The vibrations of his voice against her neck sending goosebumps down her body.  
  
She’s about to say it back when his hands venture down to her lower back and she has to stifle a moan as he purposely sucks at the sensitive spot below her ear. His touches always drive her crazy, but this morning is different. It’s like she’s been deprived of them for too long. His lips slowly make its way back to her face, placing a couple soft kisses on her cheek, before pulling away completely; not going any further with his slow tease and it’s killing her.  
  
Trying to gain some of her control back, she smiles gently at him before handing him his cup of coffee. She knows he was trying to get her all hot and bothered and she’d be damned to give in too easily. “I love you too, cowboy.”  
  
She’s leaning against the counter while he slowly lowers himself in one of the kitchen chairs. Standing in front of him like this, allows her to really take him in. She remembers when they first started this, -talking to each other just in order to make sense of it all-. He’d looked defeated, tired. The man in front of her now looked refreshed; maybe even willing to allow himself to be loved like he deserves.  
  
A lot of their relationship was focused on her; her pace, her comfortability. Blake has reassured her from the very start he didn’t mind doing this her way, he was always understanding of her struggles and fears. Something she missed in her previous marriage.  
  
He’s a great listener too and she’s learned he has quite a way with words, but always when directed to her. She’s starting to realize he hasn’t opened up to her in quite a while; she spends so much time leaning on him, she doesn’t even know how far _he_ is on his road to recovery.  
  
“Something’s on your mind”, his gentle voice interrupts her thoughts. His lips form a small smile before he sips on the dark liquid in front of him, and once again she can’t help but think of the feel of those lips on her skin. She shakes it off, remembering he’d said something.  
  
“I wonder if you’re secretly a mind reader sometimes”, she half jokes.  
  
He chuckles lowly. “I think you’re just very expressive.” A mischievous smirk appears on his face, as he’s obviously thinking back about some previous activities.

She blushes as she shakes her head playfully. She regains her composure and is on the verge of asking him something, which he seems to pick up on as his playful demeanour falters a little.  
  
She suddenly feels bad about asking him about his past, because what if there’s a reason he’s not bringing it up? She’s sure he can tell she’s struggling to get her words out and his soft gaze is the only thing making her feel like it’s okay.   
  
“You never talk about her, you know.” She wants to slap herself for starting off her question with a reference to his ex, but it’s the first thing that came to mind.  
  
He’s visibly taken aback by her question, as he nervously rubs his hand over the back of his neck, his cheek slightly reddening. “Do you want me to?”  
  
Now it’s her turn to flinch at his question and she finds herself even slightly annoyed at the fact he doesn’t seem to understand why she asked.  
  
“You can’t just never think about her. It would make sense for you to bring her up sometimes. I can take it, you know.” Her voice came out a bit firmer than intended, but she desperately wanted him to open up and she’s not used to having to try this hard.  
  
He’s obviously trying to find the right words and she feels bad for putting him on the spot like this, but she doesn’t want this thing to be one-sided. She can’t be the only getting the much-needed support. She knows they were both broken and he had to work through his fair share of insecurities as well; never hearing about them worries her.  
  
“Gwen, I don’t know what to tell you.” His voice comes out fragile and the way he’s adverting his eyes away from her, is way too familiar for her liking. She recognizes the way he awkwardly shifts on his feet, the way his jaw clenches at the thought of his ex and how he’s desperately trying not to go there…. for her.  
  
“We’ve been talking about me so much; I want you to know I’m here for you in the same way.”  
  
He slowly takes a step towards her now, holding his arms out, waiting for her to walk into them. As much as she loves being wrapped up in his arms, she’s hesitant now; not wanting to shift the attention away from what they’re talking about. Her neediness to be close to him wins and she walks into him, but luckily she finds him not changing subject.  
  
“I thought about her in Nashville, a couple days ago”, he starts. His hand is softly toying with some of her hair that falls over her shoulder. “I thought I would be so distraught while being there, especially since you weren’t with me, but there wasn’t really any of that”.  
  
She turns around in his arms, so she can face him. “So there was.. _nothing_?” she asks softly, almost in disbelieve.  
  
“No”, came his immediate response. “There was definitely something.”  
  
He waits before elaborating and it’s driving her nuts. She knows it was her idea for him to talk about this, but she feels like she might’ve asked for a bit more than she can chew. His hands are roaming over her back, but it’s not in a nervous way anymore. He’s calm and that might be what scares her most. “Blake you can’t just...- “,  
  
“All I felt was relief Gwen.”  
  
Surprise must’ve been written all over her face, as she nervously fumbles with the hem of his shirt. “Relief?”  
  
“Yeah. Relief that all of that is in the past now. Relieved that I knew I got to come home to you. I know this might sound crazy, but it’s like being with you made me realize how much I was missing before. I don’t ever want to get back to that. You showed me this, Gwen.”  
  
He was probably used to her crying at his words by now, but she still felt herself getting flustered about tearing up in his arms.  
  
“It’s not like I never think about her. It’s just whenever I do, I realize how much happier I am now and I really can’t feel too bad about my previous situation for too long. I know you’re here for me, baby and I don’t want you to worry about this okay? I’m not bringing her up as much, because she’s just not the number one thing on my mind anymore.” His eyes meet her briefly before continuing. “It’s all about you and me now and I’m more than okay with that.”  
  
Emotions have been running high ever since she woke up this morning and right now she’s falling of that emotional cliff she’s been dangling on. She brings her arms around his waist, hugging herself tightly against his torso. Things have never been like this. She’s never felt so free to be herself; she almost forgot what it felt like to not be forced to feel bad about her feelings.  
  
It’s something she tries not to give too much thought, but losing herself seemed to be an essential part in her marriage to Gavin. Her feelings were so deeply hidden, just in order to not be ‘too much’ and her worth was mostly linked to her appearance. With Blake, she realized her worth was in the way she loved and the person she is.  
  
“I’m sorry for ruining today Blake”, she whispers against the fabric of his shirt.  
  
His hand presses her closer against him as she feels him press a soft kiss on her temple. “You didn’t ruin anything, Gwen. I’m glad you talked to me.” He didn’t move and she felt like he might’ve needed this moment just as much as she did.  
  
Things weren’t always easy and she knows her insecurities are too deeply rooted for them not to make any more appearances, but for the first time in her life she’s confident about a relationship. Her relationship with Blake consist of honesty and communication and that has been all she’s ever wanted from the start.  
  
“I think this is how it’s supposed to be.”  
  
She didn’t even know she said that out loud, until she felt Blake softly hum against the side of her head.

  
  
“Damn right, baby girl.”  
  
  
**  
  
  
  
  



	12. Break

_It happens in a split second. He looks over at the gorgeous blond in the passenger’s seat, his attention wavering away from the road, the blow knocking them both back the next second.  
He sees it happening; the way the window shatters, the sound of metal breaking, the high-pitched scream leaving her lips, before Gwen’s eyes slipped close.  
  
When he opens his eyes, he awakes to the sound of sirens’, the view of blood trickling down his knuckles as he never let go of the steering wheel, the glancing stares of the audience they attracted. It takes his brain a few seconds to figure out what had happened, before he looks over at Gwen; he thinks her eyes are still closed, but he can’t be sure with the amount of blood covering her face. When the paramedics start lifting the roof, he isn’t sure whether the sound of cracking is made by the car or his heart.  
  
Hands are reaching for him. Someone’s asking if he can tell his name, they’re asking if he can move, they’re telling him he’s okay. He wants to punch whoever just told him that, because he isn’t close to being okay; he’s watching the love of his life die right in front of him.  
  
“I’m fine”, he mumbles, the taste of blood coating his mouth, “help her.” Help her. Save her.  
  
He doesn’t know exactly what happens after that. It’s chaos, but everything goes mute as he watches her. He’s panicking as he notices the shift in the paramedic’s demeanour; their efforts don’t seem to work. In his mind, he’s yelling at her to open her eyes, to fight harder, to not leave him, but in reality, his voice won’t work with him.  
  
He’s lost too many people in his life, his heart starts to feel like a haunting place for all the people that became ghosts. He wants to be pulled in by Gwen, he wants to hear his mom’s voice, he wants another opportunity to talk to his brother, he wants Miranda to stop crossing his mind, he wants no more loss. He won’t survive another one.  
  
His chest is starting to hurt, his head is throbbing, blood is starting to clog his eyesight, but he won’t stop looking at her. Every second he’s not watching, he’s wasting. It hits him that this might be the last time he sees her alive and he’s stuck in the driver’s seat, unable to change anything about how this might end.  
  
It’s ironic how his heart is nearly beating out of his chest as he watches hers fade out._  
  
  
“NO…...NO”, he’s yelling now, he hears it, “Please don’t leave me, don’t leave me.”  
  
He feels a soft hand touching his cheek, and the light scraping of her nails as she strokes him there, and it feels way too familiar, he’s almost wondering if he didn’t make it either. “Blake, baby, wake up.” His body shoots up, his breath getting caught somewhere in his throat, as he feels her hands on his back and shoulder, holding him upright. “It’s okay, you’re okay Blake. It was just a dream.”  
  
“Open your eyes baby, come back to me.” He looks at her then, her soft lips pressing lightly against his shoulder, “I’m right here.” Her voice sounds like she’s talking to one of her kids and he doesn’t know how badly he needs her comforting until he hears it.  
  
“ _Fuck_ ”, he shudders out of breath before he lets his body fall sideways into her lap. His arm clings to her legs while her arms pull him tighter against her, as he let’s go and sobs like he hasn’t done in a long time. “I thought I lost you.”  
  
“You didn’t baby. You won’t.”  
  
The details of his dream seem to vanish rather quickly and all he’s left with is that feeling of panic he felt at the thought of losing her. He realizes he fears loss more than he probably acknowledges; he fills the gaping hole of their absence with the sounds of laughter and jokes, but he’s aware of it. He’s come to learn that grief is somewhat like the ocean; most of the time his losses lay calmly in his heart, but sometimes it comes crashing into him like waves and tonight he’s drowning.  
  
He feels himself slowly calming by her soft touches and light toying with his hair, getting lost in the feeling of having her close, until her sweet voice pulls him back again. “Do you wanna talk about it?”  
  
He knows he owes her an explanation of this breakdown, but he’s still looking for the right words himself. “I’m sorry”, it’s out before he can stop it, because yeah he feels apologetic, he doesn’t elaborate on why, but the _‘I want to be strong for you’_ hangs heavy in the air.  
  
He might not have said it out loud, but he knows she heard him regardless. “Don’t you dare apologize, Blake.” Her words were hard, but her tone showed nothing but love and compassion. “It’s okay to break sometimes. Break on me. _You can_ , you know.”  
  
Their whole relationship was mostly based on communication, but he would be the first to admit he didn’t quite allow himself to break, not in the way he encouraged and supported Gwen to.

She’d spent over 20 years of her life made feel dumb for her emotions, if that meant putting his own on a backburner for a while so he could show her differently, then so be it.  
  
“I can hear you thinking”, she chimed in.  
  
“I don’t really know how to do this.” He admitted.  
  
She shifted slightly causing him to turn around and face her. “Don’t know how to do what?”  
  
He contemplated on his next move for a second, his arms unintentionally seeking her out again. The slight tremble in his body indicating that he was still desperate for her presence to get him of that mental ledge. “ _Break_.” He whispered.  
  
It’s not like he doesn’t know how to break down. He’s broken down on his own a bunch of time, but his all-time happy façade was hard to dismantle around the presence of other’s.  
  
“Trust me, it’s not that hard”, she chuckled before stroking his cheek. “Just start talking.”  
  
He wondered about how to approach the subject, still quite unsure about the vulnerability of it all, but the gentleness in which she held him in this moment made him give up and give in. “I’m afraid of losing people.” He involuntarily glanced up at her to seek her approval but all he found in her eyes was encouragement to go on. “I’m scared because I realized early on that someone’s presence in your life is never an assured tenancy.”  
  
He realized his words might sound vague to anyone who’s not in his head, but it was the only way he could get them to come out. “I have too many people who are reduced to nothing but memories, Gwen. Some memories I’m grateful to have, but all of them serve as a reminder of the things I’ve lost. I can’t handle the thought of that ever being you.”  
  
“Is that what your nightmare was about? Me completely disappearing from your life?” She asked.  
  
“ _You died_.”  
  
“How?”  
  
“Car crash.”  
  
“Like your brother.”  
  
He nodded. He’s told Gwen all about it at the beginning of their friendship, but he never talked about how it affected him as a person. At the time, they started talking, he was still working through all the new insecurities that crept up after the divorce. He wasn’t sure why Gwen even gave him the time of day, which resulted in him holding back, not wanting to scare her away with his sensitivity.  
  
He’s learned now that Gwen loves that side of him as much as she loves everything else about him, which slowly build up some of his confidence, but still managed to leave him hesitant.  
  
“It felt so real”, he whispered.  
  
“But it wasn’t”, she said softly; she knows what it’s like to have nightmares, she knows what it’s like to avoid sleep terrified of what she’ll see when she does. She knows what it’s like to wake up sweating, unable to tell reality from fiction. She most definitely knows what it’s like to suffer alone. She might not have the answers to everything, but she can help him out with the latter.

“There’s no shame in admitting you’re scared, baby. There’s no shame in breaking down on my lap about either. I’m here to help you through these things just like you do for me. Cause I’m here, Blake. We both are. We found each other, you know how crazy that is right?” She smiled as she continued without letting him answer. “I’m glad you told me about this, because you’re not alone in this anymore okay? I’m here, I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”  
  
Hearing her words physically calmed him down and he felt the last bit of tension leave his body, as his muscles relaxed into her touch. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

She traces his jawline with her finger in a soothing matter. “You won’t have to find out”, she breathes.  
  
“I love you Gwen.”  
  
Her ‘I love you’ got muffled by his lips on hers, but he heard it loud and clear. He moved up, sliding his arms around her lower back so he could gently lay her down. As soon as her back hit the covers, his hands were everywhere. He knows they’re probably going to have to talk about this some more eventually, but right now he wants nothing but his name leaving her lips, accompanied by the occasional gasps and whimpers. He wants to be as close to her as he can possibly get and the way she opens her legs for him to get in between them, is the only approval he needs.  
  
Without separating their lips, he manages to pull down her night shorts and his hands travelled from her thigh up to her toned stomach, soon disregarding the t-shirt that kept him from having full access. Her hips started to buck up into him, but he needed to take his time. He pushed down slightly, -enough to pin her body down to the matrass, - stilling her movements. “Blake, _please_.”  
  
His lips moved to her neck, sucking and licking at the skin there before smoothing it over with a bunch of randomly placed kisses. Her moans were getting more frequent now and he could hear her breathing getting more ragged. He watched her lips part slightly and he suddenly couldn’t wait to have them on his again.

Their kiss went from soft to passionate in a matter of seconds, their tongues colliding in desperation. He moved his way down to her erect nipple, rolling it between his thumb and forefinger, grinning as he pulled the moan straight from her throat. “Blake…. _oh my god_ ”, the last part came out in a gasp as his finger swiped through her wetness firmly. She clenched her thighs together, trying to maximize the feeling, but he withdrew his hand completely.  
  
He tilted his head to take one nipple in his mouth, while he matched the rhythm of his fingers on the other one. She bit her lip hard enough to draw blood and the sight alone resulted in him releasing her with a wet pop.  
  
Not being able to hold out any longer, he drove two fingers deep inside, relishing in the way she felt around him. He kissed her softly muffling any sounds. He pulled his fingers out, feeling some of her juices running down his hand, before pressing back in. He watched her hips gyrate as he worked her closer to the edge, his thumb softly circling her clit.  
  
“I’m so close, Blake. Oh, fuck.”  
  
He curled his fingers inside her, stroking over the spot that he knew would be her undoing. Her hands gripped his hair as she forced his lips on her roughly, before gasping into their kiss as she came. His hand movements slowed down a little as her thighs were still quivering, until she rode it out completely. “You’re so beautiful.”  
  
His voice snaps her back from that blissful state she ventured into, as her hands pull at his boxers and move him in between her thighs again.

“Make love to me, Blake.”

  
  
**  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	13. One-on-one- time

It wasn't often that they got the opportunity to be with just the two of them, - between her kids and the fact that they always seemed to have to be in different places-, so when they realized the kids would be at their dad's this week, they both jumped at the idea of a possible date night.

Things have been quite emotional lately and she's more than ready to have a quiet night with just Blake. Don't get her wrong; she loves spending time with her kids, but she can't help but miss the one-on-one time they used to share at the beginning: late night meetings in their trailers or the heart to hearts over drinks. She wonders if Blake misses that too and that's enough to get her insecurities rising again. Luckily she doesn't get the chance to self-destruct for too long, as she feels two strong arms come up behind her.

"You know I can hear you thinking all the way from the kitchen, right?"

She leans back against his shoulder to find a small grin plastered on his face.

"Sorry babe, I got lost in thought for a minute there."

"Anything you want to share?"

She loves how he never pushes her, but yet always manages to let her know she's safe to say whatever she's thinking about. Her hands travel up to his arms surrounding her waist and she squeezes lightly. "Everything's good, cowboy. I'm just excited to have some alone time with you again."

His face nuzzles into the side of her neck, placing kisses on the soft skin he finds there. " _I'm sorry_ ", he breathes.

His words take her right out of that pleasurable state she was dangerously close to entering into. "For what, baby?"

"I know I haven't been able to be here as much as you'd like me to and all the time apart hasn't done wonders for your confidence. I know you still struggle with these past-insecurities....", he kisses her cheek again, "I want you to know I'm still as committed as ever to make this work, you know." He sounds almost as insecure as she's felt on the worst nights he was gone.

She turns around in his arms, making sure she's looking him straight in the eye as she says her next words. "You can't stay here just so I feel more confident, I know that. I trust you, Blake. And of course I miss you when you're not here and I wish the time apart wasn't part of _this_ , of _us_ , but we're making it work, right?"

"Damn straight we are."

She giggles softly before placing a few soft pecks on his lips. "So tell me, since we're all alone tonight, do you have any plans for us?"

He looks at her knowingly, claiming her lips in a bit more passionate manner than before, before speaking against her lips.

"I have a few."

**  
He knew he had to put some extra effort into tonight. He hasn't been able to spend much time with her these last couple of days and he knows how much they both missed that togetherness in their last marriages.

Gwen has been the person he's turned to from the moment things started to crumble. He'd never imagined to be fighting this fight with her by his side and he doesn't want her to think he'll ever take that for granted. The fight they started fighting together might be over, but he still needs her just as much.

After spending most of the afternoon making out and tangled up on the couch, he'd convinced her to go upstairs and do whatever the hell it is she does whenever she's alone, so he could get the living room ready for their "date night".

As soon as he heard the shower running, he set his plan in motion. He knows he could've made this even fancier by taking her out to one of these hotspots restaurants and dressing up to the nines, but he wanted something a bit more personal. More intimate.

He's not the best cook, but he's definitely not bad at it either and it's not like Gwen's ever going to be in the position to judge him on his cooking abilities. His smile grows wide at the memory of her cooking for him during one of their very first dates, which resulted in them eventually ordering take out and a lot of breathy apologies muttered against his lips, as he tried to shut her up with kisses.

One thing he's come to love the most about them, is how easy it is for them to simply have fun. Wether it's doing something basic like grocery shopping or just hanging out around the house; they don't need any of the fancy stuff to feel like they're experiencing one of the most expensive times. Their time is valued by their bond, not their means. It's a new and completely satisfying feeling, leaving him feeling content in a way he's never experienced before.

As he's getting the dinner table ready, he's saying a silent prayer at the fact his girl always takes ages to get ready ( _seems like there are actual situations where this is an appreciated fact_ ) and steps back to appreciate his work; decorating is definitely more Gwen's thing, but he's fairly confident this will do the trick.

Like on cue, he hears footsteps coming down the stairs and he's not sure why, but for some reason he gets these butterflies like he got when they first started hanging out. _Like damnit, this is THE Gwen Stefani right now._ He sometimes still wonders if he should be scared she'll get her eye-sight (or common sense) back.

She walks in and he's sure he's looking like a complete fool; jaw-dropped and maybe even momentarily star-stuck. She's wearing her hair down, almost to no make-up and a black dress, with lace covering her chest area and he's struggling to keep his breathing in control. "Jesus, Gwen".

"You like it?"

Her voice sounds so sweet and sincere, he wants to pull her as close as possible and make her feel loved for hours, with his lips on every inch of her skin, but he settles for a "you're breathtaking" instead. He can't help but smile at the fact that she went all out like that, even though they're staying in, making sure he knew she considered this special and he loves her even more for that.

  
" _Mmmmm_ , smells good cowboy", he could feel her breath on his neck, her nose almost brushing his, as she walked into his arms.

"I made your favorite." He whispered gently, motioning at the food on the stove beside them.

His arm went tighter around her, anchoring her body closer to his as she gently brushed their lips together, almost in a testing matter, like the very beginning. Only this was way more intense, caused this wasn't the beginning. She loved him now.

" _You're my favorite_ ", she whispered somewhere in between their kiss and he could've sworn he felt his heart explode. No, it wasn't the first time she's said this, but the intimacy of the moment alongside the emotional edge they've been skating on for a couple days now, made it that much more intense.

"We really need to do this more often", Blake started softly, both hands holding her hips, maximizing on their body contact.

 _"I know_ ", her voice was soft and almost a little apologetic and he sure as hell didn't mean his earlier statement to come out as accusatory. "It's just hard with the kids here and both of our crazy schedules, you know?"

"I didn't mean to make you feel guilty, baby. This is not anyone's fault, I was just thinking out loud."

"I know that. I just wanted you to know I'm on the same page as you, okay? I want this alone time with you just as much as you do. I miss you too."

After spending so many years in a situation where he was made to feel bad for his neediness and affectionate personality, hearing her words felt like a million little bandaids covering his body.

"You don't even know how much being you, heals me."

He could feel her smile in the kiss she initiated seconds later, as her fingers dipped in the waistband of his jeans, teasingly seeking comfort there as she burried her face in the crook of his neck. "I love you."

"I love you too." He stole one more kiss, before reluctantly creating a little bit of distance between them. "You ready for some food?"

She dramatically sniffed the air, soaking in the nice smell his cooking had produced there, before answering. "Been ready, cowboy."

**

It's crazy to think about how much her life has changed over the course of one year. Here she is, sitting on the couch, next to the man that she loves, with minimal make-up on and no care in the world. For the first time she isn't worried about not being enough, or other people she has to compete with. With Blake, it's all about _them_. There's no grey area when it comes to their love and that's a feeling she still gets overwhelmed by, even now. His arms are holding her as close as possible and she thanks God for enabling her to find someone who loves physical contact and "clinginess" as much as she does.

While her relationship with Blake was mostly fun and easy, she couldn't deny there were a lot of insecurities between them, that took time and patience from both of them, to work through together. Especially on her part. She can't help but sometimes get scared that his patience might run out, before she's able to get rid of them. The way he's holding her now though, - so _selfless_ -, makes her fears take more and more of a backseat.

"Remember the first time I held you like this?"

She looked up at the sound of his voice and nodded softly, seeing him obviously thinking back at that moment in his head.

The contrast between that time and now was astounding. The first time they sat like this was in his trailer, after he disclosed some of what went on behind closed doors after his divorce became final.

They mostly talked about their feelings over a couple drinks during that time, but this occasion was different: there was no alcohol involved and all his words and feelings, were sober ones. It knocked the wind out of her, hearing him talk so bravely about what broke him. _And her_. He talked about the cruelty of sleeping and forgetting about his life in shambles, only to wake up in the middle of the night to find his bed empty. He spoke with a rawness and honesty she'd grown so foreign to and she could do nothing but hear him out. As much as she hated the fact he had to go through this, as much as she loved his ability to verbalize it. She wouldn't say the words out loud, _couldn't_ , but she could listen to his and occasionally utter an "I feel you". Something she hated when other people did, because they didn't know or feel her at all, but Blake didn't seem to mind and she didn't realize until later, that the reason for that was probably cause he knew she actually _**did**_ know. Maybe that's why he didn't protest when she scooted closer and urged him to hold her, which he did willingly. For hours.

"I can't believe how far away that feels right now", she said after snapping out of thought.

"It does." He's looking at her now and it's one of those times where she just allows herself to let his love overwhelm her. "Holding you that first time..... I never imagined I'd get to do that for a second time. Now, I can't imagine ever not holding you."

She feels tears welling up in her eyes and she giggles at her own inability to not get emotional. "You know you can't say things like that without me crying, Blake."

"I don't mind you crying, as long as they're the good kind of tears." He laughs.

"They're always the good kind with you." And it's true. She's cried more happy tears in this relationship with him, then she has in most of her life.

Without giving him a chance to reply to her previous words, she moves to straddle him and pulls his face closer to hers. "I'm so lucky", she spoke the words against his lips, before moving down to his neck, placing numerous of light kisses there.

The mood changed from sentimental to passionate really quick and she could feel his growing erection pressing at her center.

"Wanna know what I'm thinking about right now?" She murmurs as she sucks his earlobe in her mouth, earning a low grunt from the cowboy underneath her.

" _What's that?_ " He hisses as she grinds down on purpose. Obviously enjoying the power she has over him in this moment.

"I'm thinking about how fast you can get me out of this dress and into our bed. _That's what."_

The words had barely left her mouth as he lifted her up in one swift motion and carried them to the bedroom.

**

 

 

 


	14. Words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit of a filler. I'm a little bit unsure of where to take this story, so hopefully this chapter will fuel some more inspiration. Comments/suggentions always help, so please don't be shy ;)

She's been in the spotlight for two decades; she's used to the onslaught of people stopping her wherever she goes, the flashes and the never-ending attention, but she knows Blake is still getting used to his "new life".

When she first started talking to Blake, it became clear that he had a strong dislike for the LA lifestyle and rather spend his days in the woods, back in Oklahoma. She knew the Voice was the only reason keeping him here, and if the impersonal vibe of his la rental was any indication, he never planned on staying long-term. Of the very short list of things keeping him in la, she never in a million years imagined her own name being added on there. She never wants him to feel pressured or forced, but this is her life and she wants him to be a part of it, the same way he lets her be part of his. 

Today was supposed to be a quiet day, just hanging around the studio ( her creativity was at an all-time-high and the songs kept coming), but her life didn't consist of much quietness and today turned out to be no different. As soon as they exited the car, there was no denying the flashes and clicking sounds of cameras going off around them.

When her kids are involved, - she gets heated-, but when it's just them, she can’t really be bothered too much. While glancing over to Blake walking next to her, she can tell he's not feeling the same way; his jaw clenches a few times and the looks he's shooting their way are nothing short of murderous.

She decides to wait until they're inside the studio and out of sight to any outsiders, before addressing the issue.  "Are you okay, babe? I know that shit pisses you off."

She can tell he's about to wave it off like it's nothing, never wanting to worry her, so she jumps in quickly. "Please be honest with me."

"I don't know how you do it." He murmurs his admission quickly, but she doesn't let him off right away.

" _Do what_?"

"Stay so freaking calm all the time. It's like they see us as goddamn zoo-animals."

He's trying not to sound too heated, but she knows him well enough to know that's exactly what he is. Trying to minimize the damage, she places both hands on each side of his face and closes the distance between them. His eyes soften at her touch and he leans in to steal a slow kiss, before she moves away to talk. "It's just part of this life."

"It's not part of _mine_."

She knows he didn't mean it like that, but she can't help but tense up in his arms regardless. Taking a step back, she's trying not to work herself into a panic and she can see Blake doing the same.

"Shit Gwen, that didn't come out right."

She throws her hands up, stopping him from saying anything else and whispers a soft " _it's okay_ ", but in reality, her heart is beating out of her chest and she can see everything going to hell.

She should've known that this eventually would become a problem; their lives are so different and she's unintentionally pushing him to adjust to too much. 

"Gwen, please don't get the wrong idea. That's not what I meant." He walks up to her again and before she can protest, he's pulling her against his chest. "I know this is our life now and I wouldn't trade it for the world. It's just... it's so different from what my life used to be and I'm just realizing it takes some time getting used to." 

She wants to believe his words, but she's been let down in love too many times, to feel comfortable just yet. He’s looking at her almost desperately and she feels bad for not being able to snap out of it, reassure him that it’s okay. There’s so much for him to deal with, when it comes to her life. He’s used to dating someone with the same lifestyle, away from all the city-craziness and on top of that, he suddenly has three kids to deal with by getting involved with her. Being in a relationship with her had even been too much to deal with for her ex-husband, it suddenly felt naïve to think that this could be different.

"Is it too much for you? Am  _I_  too much for you?" She hates how her voice breaks mid-sentence. It’s not fair how spending twenty years in a wrong situation, could taint her faith and confidence the way that it did.

"You could never be too much for me, Gwen. Yes, I find this 'paparazzi thing' a bit overwhelming at times, but it's nothing compared to the joy I feel while being around you."

He nudges her in his arms, waiting for some kind of reaction. 

"I just don't want you to resent me, like  _ever_." She doesn't even know she's crying until Blake's wiping some tears from her face.

This thing she and Blake created together meant more to her than she could possibly put into words. For the first time, she felt connected with someone way beyond the physical. Their relationship was based on communication and honesty; two things she had completely given up on ever having. He’s done so much for her, and the thought of him ever resenting her destroyed her heart.

“Gwen, look at me”, his hand gently lifted her face to look at him. "I won't, babygirl. I wouldn't trade this life with you for anything in the world."

She could feel herself starting to relax in his arms, as her head rested on his chest. "Trust me, you're stuck with me", he chuckled.

"You swear?" She knows she sounded needy, but she also knows he doesn't care. This was different from any of her previous situations; Blake didn't mind giving her the reassurance she needed, because he _could_. He didn't need to make up some words, to calm her down with. He didn't need to shut her insecurities down with a bunch of lies. For the first time, it was simply his truth, that brought her to ease.

His answer came pure and simple. "On everything I have."

_Cause everything I have, belongs to you_

***

 _“So what_? You just write down whatever comes to mind and feel no shame whatsoever?”

It’s weird for her to have someone genuinely admire the way she works and creates her art. She’s always been pretty confident in her gift, with the exception of some gruesome years, but she’d never felt necessarily special.

Writing has just been her way of expressing herself and dealing with her emotions for most of her life, - as much as she realized this was a gift in itself-, she never thought twice about it. She just did it. But in this moment, with Blake looking at her with all that adoration in his eyes, she feels it: what she’s able to do, _is_ special.

“Well no, it’s not like I’m resistant to feeling embarrassment”, she says. “God, the first couple days back in the studio this time around was filled with me feeling like a fool”, she admits. “But then I started to realize that there’s no other way to do this for me, _you know_? Like writing songs about my life is how I make sense of things and Lord knows I had some things to make sense of. Still do.”

That perks his interest. “Like what?”

“Like you being here with me right now. It literally doesn’t make sense to me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m so _so_ grateful that you are, but I have no idea how it happened. I really feel like God just sent me this gift that came out of nowhere and while writing about you… _us_ , I figured a lot of stuff out.”

When she’s done talking, Blake’s still looking at her like he just fell in love with her in that moment and that might be one of her favorite things about him: he wants to hear everything she’s got to say; he's genuinely interested.

He stretches out his hand and waits for her to grab it, as he softly squeezes. “Do you know how cute you are, Miss Stefani?”

She’s momentarily flustered and maybe also a tad ashamed of how sentimental she’d just gotten with him, but the moment is cut short as Blake seemed to take notice.

“Hey, you wanna know a secret?” Her reply had barely left her mouth as he continued to talk. “One of the things I love most about you, is the way you’re able to talk about your feelings in the most unfiltered, most honest way. You talk the same way you write your songs; it’s honest and it’s brilliant, Gwen. I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of it.”

His statement leaves her at a loss for words; he’s complimenting her way with words, while his have the ability to stir something deep within her soul.

She knows part of his adoration for her transparency, has to do with his previous relationship; she remembers when she told him he’s an amazing writer himself, and he struggled with holding his tears back, admitting to her later that he’d never heard that before throughout the whole duration of his marriage.

“You know I brought you here to listen to some of my music, right? Not so you could make me cry.” She jokes while sniffling a little.

“Darlin’, you know I love you, but some things are simply inevitable.”

She slaps at his chest, snorting. “ _Fuck off.”_

He grabs her arm and pulls her closer until she’s practically in his lap. “I’m serious about what I said earlier though. I wanna make sure you really heard it.”

Everything this man says seems to make her emotional and she doesn’t know whether she wants to hear him talk some more or furiously make out with him.

“I heard you, cowboy. _Thank you_ ”, she whispers. “Thank you for saying all of that, and for meaning it! It’s a nice change to hear someone speak words to you and not having to second-guess their truth.”

“I feel you on that one, baby.”

“ _Mhmmm_ …. I think I want to focus some more on that ‘feeling’ part”, she grins dubiously as her nails softly stroke his scalp.

His arms tighten around her waist, as her lips press firmly against his. The soft strokes of his tongue against hers, and his fingers pressing into her sides, are sending shivers down her body, but this isn’t one of their make-outs initiated to go somewhere. This is simply them enjoying each other after all words ran out.

His mouth starts trailing kisses down her chin, her jawline, before moving back up to her lips. She’ll never get tired of the way he kisses her. When he nips at the skin right above her collarbone, she gasps and knows it’s time to end this, so she reluctantly backtracks.

She kisses him sweetly one more time, before she pulls away completely; her self-control non-existent at this point. It’s over way too soon, but it’s enough to hold her over until they get home. And he seems to have similar thoughts going on in his head.

“You kill me, Gwen.” His voice sounds rough and gravelly and she takes pride in knowing it’s because of her.

“I couldn’t help myself.”

And she can’t. Not when it comes to kissing him, and definitely not when it comes to _loving_ him. She doesn’t know if it’s their conversation from earlier that still has her a bit more emotional than usual, cause it seems to hit her in waves today.

Never one to miss any of her moods, Blake softly nudges her out of thought. “You okay?”

“Yes”, her answer comes immediately. “I haven’t been this okay in a very long time, cowboy.”

She can see his eyes lit up at her words and she knows he took her admission exactly the way she wanted him to.

 

***

**Author's Note:**

> Like it? Hate it?


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